Disclaimer:
Jim and Blair belong to people who don’t appreciate what they have.
Beta’d: Linda
– ta muchly, you’re a star.
Rating: R-if
you’re of sensitive disposition.
Warnings: Caveat Lector (see the rating, man). Personally, I
think warnings spoil things.
MOTE
By Sealie
sealie1@hotmail.com
or sealie@trickster.org
And why
beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the
beam that is in thine own?’ Matthew:
Chapter 7 Verse 3.
Preparation
took three days. Three days that he deemed necessary to cleanse himself before
his first meditation since the incident in the Fountain. His partner, Detective
James Joseph Ellison, despite his heightened senses, had not noticed that his
ersatz roommate only drank pure spring water and the most basic of foods and
fruits for several days. But then again Ellison had some peculiar blind spots
at the best of times.
Blair Jacob
Sandburg set a pure beeswax, hand-dipped candle in the centre of the coffee
table. Slowly, he walked around his impromptu altar—something was missing. Brow
furrowed, he viewed his preparations: soft acoustic music—beating of
drums—selected for continuous repeat; a wooden orb saturated with frankincense
and neroli; a pile of plump cushions to sit upon; and, finally, a glass
lantern (no bare naked flames allowed;
he didn’t know how long he would be gone). There was still something amiss. He
had taken a long hot shower, shaved twice and he now wore clean, new clothes.
All had been set by the dictates of his own heart. Blair glanced around the
loft, the sink wasn’t dripping and the oven was switched off. Then he darted
across to the front door and double locked the deadbolt.
Everything
was perfect.
It was time.
Gracefully,
he settled into a lotus position before the candle. With an innate grace, which
was rarely visible as he vibrated through his days, he placed the thick candle
in the lantern. For a moment he looked at it—the wick untouched and the wax
unmarred by flame—it seemed a pity to ravage such perfection.
Sighing, he
took a match and then with great deliberation struck it. The light flared
engulfing the bright red head. An acrid tendril of smoke snaked upwards and
Blair automatically held his breath as he waited for it to dissipate. Slowly,
he brought the flame to the wick.
‘
Everything
was now perfect.
One last
thing—he made a quick dash into the bathroom. He caught a glimpse of himself in
the mirror and stopped. For the first time in a long time his hair was untied,
combed and unsnarled it was a riotous mass of curls. He had cut it recently,
shearing away the long ends that pulled it down and flattened the natural
bounce. But then, for some obscure reason, he kept it tamed with a strip of
leather. Darker eyes than normal stared back at him, the blue shadowed by
thunderclouds. The finest spray of lines gave his eyes unaccustomed depths.
They hadn’t been there a year ago.
His eyes cast
down, viewing this mature stranger. He should stay away from mirrors; he saw
too much. The little chicken pox scar at the corner of his mouth was never
going to fade—unaccountably that cheered him. His lips curved in an unconscious
smile and the lines faded just a little bit.
Blair turned
from the mirror and the unfamiliar image that it reflected. He dealt with his
business automatically, wondering where this oh-so-serious meditation would
take him, as he urinated. Abstracted, he washed his hands, re-situated his
brand new silk boxer shorts underneath his brand new overly baggy cotton
trousers. He let the matching cream tunic drape over the leggings. Naomi, his
alternative religion—alternative everything—mother, would be so pleased with
his outfit.
‘You look
like a yogi, sweetie!’ her exuberant, imaginary voice was almost loud enough to
hear.
It was time.
The flame was
dancing joyously; a small well of molten wax had already formed. Once again he
settled into a lotus position.
He focused on
the candle, striving to clear his mind. Thoughts skittered, untamed. He had a
spirit guide—he had seen it when he had been pulled from the spirit world. He
had died. Or since he now walked and talked and breathed, perhaps he had not
died? How could he say that he had died when he now ate and slept and dreamt?
Semantics. One moment he had been in the waking world of pain and fear as a
warped sentinel forced him head first from air into water and the next…
The fountain
had been a bridge between worlds.
Then suddenly
he had crouched beside a wolf in a forest grove. He had become the wolf and a
whole new world opened up. He had been just about to explore further when the
bereft lament of a jaguar stayed his feet.
Then he was
back, cold and wet and coughing up slime.
And people
were crying.
And nothing
would be the same ever again.
He had tasted
death and his balance had shifted in response. His spirit was defeated—he knew
no other way to describe the feeling of tiredness and sorrow. But why sorrow?
He lived—he had defied death—that was a reason to rejoice. His roommate
rejoiced beneath a façade of distance. They were back together, living in the loft.
Jim hadn’t thrown him out of the loft during the debacle with the thesis. That
had been a nightmare of ultimate proportions. He had destroyed his old life and
started anew. Within the week he would be enrolling in the police academy. In a
few weeks he would be a fully fledged member of the Cascade P.D.
Yet now he
flailed, looking for a tightrope as he stood on a precipice. He had to know the reason for his disquiet.
Blair relaxed
into himself, striving to find that quiet place that brought him contentment.
It was simply a matter of letting go. Calm mind. Still thoughts.
~*~
At peace,
Blair opened his eyes.
He was back
in the glade.
It was
beautiful, vibrant green and alive. It called to him. Sunlight shafted through
the foliage. The summer buzz of birds and insects ambled above his head. And
there sitting in the cool shade of a tall oak tree a grey wolf laughed at him.
Happy yellow eyes watched. Unafraid, Blair ventured forwards. A spirit guide.
His spirit guide - that had to be a special kind of magic. Drawn, he crouched
beside the wolf. His fingers tangled in
coarse fur catching in the shorter, warmer hair beneath. The wolf still bore
his winter coat.
“Do you feel
the cold, boy?” he asked.
The wolf
didn’t respond only leaning into the caress. Carefully, Blair teased his
fingers through the fur, taming the few little knots that he found. The wolf
nuzzled against his chest, sliding inevitably downwards until the majestic
animal was sprawled on the grass accepting a tummy rub.
“You like
that, don’t you. Yeah.”
He rubbed a
furred belly losing himself in shared sensual pleasure. The wolf twisted
beneath his hands, rising to bestow a long lick over Blair’s nose. The
anthropologist laughed richly. Wise amber eyes smiled with him. And then with a
flick of a tail, the wolf scampered away. The spirit paused at the edge of the
glade looking over his shoulder. Caught
between standing and sitting, Blair paused. The scene was eerily familiar. He
had stood in this place once before when he had died. That time he had been
called back to merge and return to his sentinel.
The wolf
barked once drawing his attention from the material world. Blair bounded after
him, his tongue lolling in a lupine laugh.
Was his hold
on life so tenuous that he could turn his back on it without a backward glance?
~*~
Jim Ellison
balked at the door, banging his hip against the wood as only one turn of the
key failed to unlock the door. Weighed down by two shopping bags, he scowled at
the door.
“Sandburg!
Open the damn door.”
Grumbling
under his breath, he waited impatiently for the ex-grad student to open the
door.
“Sandburg,
today...”
No answer.
Muttering to himself, he set the bags on the floor and double turned the key to
get into his home.
“I’m gonna...
You better not... I know that you’re in there; I can hear music.” The door
swung open. He froze on the threshold, brought up short by the atmosphere in
the loft. The single candle cast soft shadows on his friend’s face. The
essential oils permeating the room were a strange choice, they had him thinking
reflective thoughts. Jim shook his head and slowly ventured into his home.
“Blair?”
Usually the anthropologist responded when the detective interrupted his
meditation sessions. This time he remained locked in his own type of zone.
“Fine, Chief.
I’m making lasagne for dinner. I assume that’s okay.”
Jim dumped
the bags on the counter and began to unpack—separating out the ingredients for
the night’s repast and putting the rest away in their proper places. In short
order, he had the iron bottomed skillet on the burner and was preparing their
dinner.
Jim hummed to
himself, content, as he browned the mince with onions and a hint of garlic. Mid
stir, he stopped and peered at the anthropologist. The hairs on the back of his
neck were standing.
“Sandburg?”
he ventured.
Concerned, he
crossed to the kid’s side. Automatically his senses extended, playing over the
anthropologist, striving to catalogue the heartbeat and breathing pattern.
There was no heartbeat.
“Shit!” Jim
dropped to his knees in a half collapse-half controlled descent. His own
heartbeat clamoured in his ears as he reached for his roommate. Blair sagged as
Jim touched him, falling against the detective like a disconnected puppet. Jim
braced him, allowing Blair to sprawl against his chest before curling over to
gently lay him supine on the floor.
Jim tipped
Blair’s head back clearing the airway. His touch told him a myriad of things;
all bad. How could this have happened? Contrary to his senses, he plastered his
ear against the anthropologist’s chest and listened with all his heart and
soul.
“Please,
please, please...” he didn’t hear his own plea. His fingers tangled in his
roommate’s curls as his other hand pawed at the still chest.
‘Lub-lub’
A beat. A
beautiful heartbeat.
~*~
Blair loped
through the forest after the wolf. He thought that this was perfect. It was
much nicer than the hot steamy jungle that Jim described on his spirit walks.
It was the perfect temperature for running. He bounded over a fallen, moss
covered tree trunk into another sunlit glade. Warmth washed over him as he came
to a halt. Motes of pollen encircled him, drawing him with them.
He knew that
the wolf was now at his heel. Entranced, Blair brought up his hand allowing his
long fingers to disturb the pinpricks of light.
“So what
lesson would you have me learn, wolf?” Blair asked. “Apart from obvious? This
is a cool place.”
A low,
rolling laugh heralded the wolf’s metamorphosis. The wolf’s legs stretched,
hindquarters straightened and the paws extended to long, narrow hands. The
short tufty fur on his head lengthened to dark brown curls as his ears became
small and rounded. Blair faced himself, naked as the day he was born. An impish
grin formed on the wolf’s face.
Obviously entranced, the wolf ran his fingers along his chest, fingering
the prominent ribs.
“Strange.” He
smiled, showing sharp teeth.
“Personally,
I think it’s a rather good body.”
The wolf
cocked his head to the side as he scratched his ear. “It’s very wolfish.” He
plucked at a chest hair. “Nice and compact. Muscular.” He stamped a bare foot
against the grassy earth.
“My body is a
temple,” Blair intoned, and then laughed, spoiling the effect.
“Yes, I like
a good piece of steak every now and again.” Wolf crossed his legs and sat. “So
you’re really getting into this shaman gig.”
“Is this what
this is about?” Blair asked, pacing around the recumbent wolf.
“You tell
me.” Wolf rolled onto his back and scratched his tummy.
“Great. Why
all the metaphorical stuff? Can’t you just tell me? I’m not Jim; you just tell
me something and it’ll sink in.”
The wolf
laughed. “Even you don’t believe that it could ever be that easy!”
“So what have
I got to do to achieve enlightenment?”
“Stop
running.”
Blair jerked
to a halt and stared down at the wolf, who was still sprawled on the grass.
“Stop
running,” Blair echoed. “I’m not running.”
“If you say
so.” Somehow Wolf shrugged whilst lying down.
“Okay, I’m
not running.” Abruptly, Blair sat.
Wolf rolled
onto his side propping up his head on one hand. “Maybe running’s not the right
word. I might be speaking
metaphorically.”
“Are you sure
you’re not really ‘Coyote the Trickster’?”
“Well, he is
my little brother so we might share a few characteristics.”
Blair rolled
onto his back, cupping his hands behind his head. He stared up at the open sky
and the eagles whirling over head. While this was pretty cool it wasn’t helping
him.
The sun
overhead was blindingly bright, almost like the light that had called him from
the fountain. A low, distraught wailing entwined in his consciousness.
Concerned, Blair sat up. During his moment of introspection, the wolf had
reverted to his true form and watched him with warm, amber eyes.
“What’s
that?” He clambered to his feet and listened. It sounded like a baby. An upset,
hurting baby. The cries were coming from somewhere ahead.
Sitting on
his hindquarters, the wolf remained in the glade. Blair stopped at the tree
line and looked back.
“This is part
of the lesson, isn’t it?”
The wolf
shrugged, enigmatically. The crying increased, wailing in abject misery. Unable
to ignore the siren like call, Blair scurried into depths of the woods.
The forest
was still warm and inviting, Blair almost expected it to turn into a scene from
a horror story. Imagery was the name of the game in a spirit world. The white
light was ahead - he was running straight for its heart.
~*~
The baby was
wailing in misery. Blair sobbed with it, kicking at the coarse blankets that
swaddled his body. The room around him was dark and he couldn’t see many
details over the high wooden sides of the crib.
‘Reality
check,’
Blair thought, belatedly realising his position.
“How’s ma wee
man?” A giant figure loomed over him. “Why all the noise?”
Equally large
hands pulled back the blankets and cradled his tiny body. The sensation was
beyond weird as he was lifted and draped across a warm, bare shoulder.
“Did you have
a nightmare?” The soft lilt of the man’s voice was Scottish. “Stop your grizzling, Da’s here.”
Instinctively,
Blair turned his head. His neck was wobbly, but he managed to look up at the
man. He would recognise those eyes anywhere.
The face was different and the hair bore a distinct red tinge, but
despite the outward changes he knew in the depths of his soul that this was...
“Jim,” the
softly spoken name was unrecognisable and only sounded like baby talk.
“There,
there.” Rough hands patted his back. Blair could only see the large expanse of
a hairless chest. Frustrated, he craned his neck looking around the room. The
man holding him, reacted to his squirming, shifting him higher. Blair took the
opportunity to look around. They were in a small room. The walls were
constructed of large stones. In a shadowy corner a small doorway led off to
another room. In the opposite corner a banked fire glowed in a large fireplace.
He was distracted as a blanket was draped over his tiny body.
“Did you have
a bad dream?” the man soothed, walking across the room to a rocking chair by
the fire.
The large
hands moved him again so he was cradled in one arm, braced against the chest.
“You miss
your ma, don’t you? You don’t know where she’s gone.” A sad smile crossed his
craggy face. “She’s with the angels, little man. It’s just you and me... now.”
Blair moved
with his...father... as the man leaned closer to the fire, stirring it up and
throwing on some more peat. One handed, the redhead ladled some grey concoction
from a pot hanging over the fire into a square wooden plate. Then they sat back.
“Your wet
nurse’s asleep,” the man continued conversationally. “You tire her out, you
hungry little man.”
Blair kicked
out at the hand holding his feet, testing the man’s grip—it was secure and
comfortable. He watched as Jim took a spoonful of the stew and chewed
thoroughly. He was feeling a little hungry himself. His stomach grumbled in
response. Then Jim delicately transferred the contents of his mouth onto the
spoon. Blair watched horrified as a spoon was then brought to his own lips.
The wood
nudged against his mouth.
Anthropologically speaking this was hardly unusual—before the advent of
electricity and food processors, baby food had to be broken into little chunks
somehow. He’d never had it demonstrated so...fundamentally before. Intrigued,
he took another look around the room, ignoring the stew for the moment. The
fact that he was in what could only be a nursery, and that he had a wet nurse,
meant that the family was obviously well-to-do. As spirit walks went this was a
doozy.
The spoon
nudged against his lips again and obediently, Blair opened his mouth. He managed
a few mouthfuls before a sleepy lassitude overtook him. Experienced hands moved
him again onto a hard shoulder. His back was rubbed gently, until a nice, rich
burp escaped.
A soft laugh
reached his ears. Content, he was lifted and he didn’t protest as he was placed
back in his crib.
“Are you
going to let your Da get some sleep now?” Jim leaned over and planted a soft
kiss on his forehead.
Blair batted
out an uncoordinated hand and connected with Jim’s cheek. He managed to stroke
it once, before the redhead caught it and tucked it under the blankets.
“I love you
too. Go to sleep.”
It was
impossible to not obey the order. Blair yawned once and drifted away.
~*~
White light
shone in his eyes. Blair blinked furiously and focused on a shaft of sunlight
shining through an open window. Intrigued, Blair stepped forwards. Another room
but this was different again. Straight well-made walls surrounded a wide open
room. The air was warm and scented with a floral bouquet. The windowsill was at
a level with his head. He had grown but he was still a child. He looked down at
himself, stocky prepubescent limbs and sandals told him little. He wore a
simple white tunic gathered at the waist.
Blair
clambered up onto the sill and peered through the window. Rolling, fertile
plains stretched out before him. In the distance a smoking volcano caught his
eye. He leaned out further.
“What are you
doing!”
Hands caught
him, he was braced against a hip and his bottom was smacked. What was it about
adults and picking up children, Blair wondered. He didn’t remember feeling this
vulnerable when he had been a child.
He was set
down on his own two feet and a man loomed over him. A long aristocratic finger
was waggled under his nose.
“Agrippina, how
many times have I told you not to climb on the window sill?”
The man had a
classic Roman nose and his olive tinged, aquiline features were framed by short
grey curls. Blair squinted at his eyes trying to see a familiar essence. He
didn’t recognise this man.
“Lots,” Blair
hazarded, when it seemed apparent that the man wanted an answer.
“So why did
you?”
“I wanted to
see the volcano.”
“Are you
talking back to me, young woman?” Hands on hips, the man was almost a
caricature of a concerned parent.
“No, sir.”
Blair chewed on his bottom lip; he had no idea how old he was supposed to be
and didn’t want his words to sound too adult.
“Next time,
go down to the orchard. And no climbing the trees.”
Sighing
deeply (Blair got the distinct impression that this Agrippina was a wilful
little person), the man tousled his hair. Blair stood quietly until the man,
who he supposed was his father, exited the room. He then took stock. In the far
corner of the airy bedroom was a bronze polished mirror and a bowl of water on
a dresser. Blair took the opportunity to look at himself.
Blue-black
curls tumbled past his shoulders. A hooked aristocratic nose was too big for
his face. Big brown-black eyes made him look a bit insipid. Despite that he was a little on the chubby
side, he could see the family resemblance with the man who had chastised him.
It was also blatantly obvious that he was female.
‘Okay, I’m
a girl and I’m somewhere nice and sunny. And, I look like I’m about
four.’
He clambered
of the stool beside the mirror snagging a pear from the overfilled bowl beside
the mirror. Happily munching, he toddled out of the room. Jim Ellison had to be
somewhere, it was just a matter of finding him.
Searching the
one level house from room to room yielded no Jim, but he did find the atrium of
what was probably a roman villa. His father was resting under the shade of a
cherry tree—improbably growing in the central court of the house.
“Hello, Pina,
did you lose your cat?”
Mutely, Blair
shook his head, but then nodded, it was, in fact, a good description of a
certain sentinel who had a black jaguar spirit guide.
“I think I
saw Augustus chasing his tail in the kitchen,” the man volunteered.
“Sir.” A
small, rotund man bounced into the atrium. “You have a visitor.” The servant
stepped aside to reveal a tall, young sapling of a man under the rounded arch
of the doorway.
The man was a
soldier, dressed in the simple uniform of the Roman Army. Eagerly, Blair craned his head trying to see
if this was Jim who had entered. The young man wore a cuirass and the metal
breastplate was buffed to a blinding shine. Pteriges—leather strips sewn into a
protective skirt—overlaid a pristine white tunic. The high level of personal grooming
was certainly an Ellison characteristic. Blair could see the purple band of a
military tribune on the tunic. This was a young man from one of the upper class
Roman families doing his family duty in the army for a few years. He was
freshly shaven and his hair, although curled, was a lighter hue than Blair’s
own.
But Blair
couldn’t see into the officer’s eyes. He bounced, frustrated from foot to foot,
as the solider continued to stare ahead. It was weird, but he knew, no matter
what the outward characteristics he would be able to recognise his friend by
his eyes.
“What is it,
Quirinus?”
The solider
took that as permission to speak, “The Galli slaves attempted to escape. A poor
attempt which failed. I have the ringleaders in custody if you wish to dictate
a suitable punishment.”
“I will
handle this myself.”
“Yes,
Commandant.”
Evidently,
Agrippina’s father was someone of importance. Blair chased after them as they
strode out of the house. Around the villa was the orchard, to which the
commandant had referred. High walls separated the home from the rest of the
world. On the south side was an open wooden gate. His little legs pumping,
Blair managed to keep the commandant and the possible-Jim in sight. Once
outside the gate he could see that the villa was situated in the far corner of
military compound. A cavalry unit was practising drills on a flat open field.
The two men skirted the edge of the field, avoiding the manoeuvres. They headed
towards a small stockade on the western side of the compound. Several
legionaries were on watch outside the barred gates. Two legionaries opened the
gate before the two officers approached. Through the gates, Blair could see a
handful of prisoners, manacled and forced to kneel on the hard earth.
The
commandant stopped a mere pace away from the slaves. Blair cast a sideways
glance at one of the legionaries before he entered the stockade. He saw the
man’s fingers twitch as if to grab him. Grinning, Blair wondered what sort of
picture he made to the solider. Generally little girls with short tunics and
long black ringlets didn’t enter prisons.
Another
legionary made an abortive move to intercept him when he stopped behind the
commandant and peered around his knees.
Eight men, from a young—barely, post-pubescent—boy to a wizened man, all
chained but not cowed, glared up at the two officers. They were Galli, Blair
remembered. They bore the fair skin of their race coupled with dark red hair.
Dressed in skin tight chequered trousers and heavily bearded they were a
startling contrast to the clean and precise Roman citizens. One stood out, he
was a tall Nubian slave, his skin was coal-dark and unblemished. He looked like
an ebony statue. Blair chuckled, he reminded him of Simon.
“Who was the
leader?” the commandant questioned, his voice authoritarian.
“I...” One
slave struggled to his feet. He wore silver bands at his throat and waist.
Blair was surprised that his jewellery hadn’t been confiscated. Intricate,
woven metal bracelets were wound around his wrists and biceps.
“I... Chief,”
the prisoner said, imperiously.
“JIM!” Blair
crowed and then slapped his hand over his mouth.
“Agrippina,
what are you doing here!”
Blair
imitated a stranded fish for a heartbeat, then he blurted, “I wanted to be with
you, papa.” He tried to bat his eyelashes.
The
commandant drew himself taller but a smile frittered at the edge of his lips.
“You shouldn’t be here, little one.”
“I will take
care of her, Gaius Octavius.” A bass, rounded voice interrupted. Another
officer joined them, bedecked with a plumed helmet and the uniform of a
centurion or higher officer. He was a dashing figure.
“Go with your
Uncle, Pina.” A broad hand patted his bottom.
Once more he
was picked up. What was it about these adults and their power plays? Was that the
point of this spirit walk, for him to realise that he was a victim to the whims
of those more powerful than himself? No, that had not seemed to be the message
from the first episode.
Agrippina’s
Uncle moved to turn them away. “No, no, no...” Blair tapped his shiny
breastplate.
“Your
father’s dealing with military matters. You shouldn’t watch.”
Blair could
easily read between the lines. What would the military response to an escape
attempt be? There was only one answer.
“Execution.”
“That’s a big
word,” Uncle said patronisingly.
“No!” Blair
wriggled out the man’s grasp and dropped to the ground. “Papa, don’t kill him.”
He ran to the commandant’s side and grabbed his tunic, tugging on it urgently.
The officer carefully unpeeled his grip and then straightened his tunic with a
sharp tug. Blair tried to quiver his bottom lip.
A heavy hand
rested on his head. “I’m sorry, Agrippina, but he led the escape.”
Blair grabbed
the man’s thumb and held onto it for all his worth. He plumbed the depths of obfuscation
and looked up at the man with liquid eyes. “Papa, if he had led the escape they
would have escaped.”
Blair held
his breath as the commandant regarded the Galli chieftain. They weighed each
other with a long hard stare, both as proud as one another.
“My daughter
speaks the truth. Quirinus described a poorly executed plan. You Galli are an
emotional race, undisciplined and unclean, but you are not, generally, stupid.
Ignorant, but not stupid. Who is responsible?”
Blank
incomprehension was the only response to the question.
“I don’t
think they understand,” Blair whispered softly.
“I think
you’re right. But someone has to be punished.”
“They just
want to go home, papa. What’s wrong with that?”
The young man
amongst the slaves shifted uneasily. Automatically the chieftain put his arm
around the boy’s shoulders. Their chains clinked together. Jim’s eyes were flinty as he glared at the
commandant.
“Ahah,” the
commandant said wisely. “I think I know what happened. This... boy... attacked
his guards and started a revolt. What to do? What to do?”
The
commandant stepped into Jim’s personal space. The chieftain bared his teeth in
a travesty of a smile. Blair jammed his fingers in his mouth, not wanting to
disrupt the moment. Stock sill, Jim bore the commandant’s regard without
flinching.
“Quirinus,”
the commandant said lightly.
“Yes, sir?”
“Find someone
who speaks their incomprehensible tongue and explain to them that they are
slaves of the
“Sir, they
tried to escape,” Quirinus protested.
Dismissing,
the chieftain and his charge, Gaius Octavius raised an eyebrow at his
subordinate. “I am a solider. I do not execute children. Make it so.”
The younger
officer saluted and marched off to find the translator.
Blair let out
the breath he had been holding.
“I should put
you on half rations.” The chastising finger was once again waggled in his face.
Blair
squashed a broad smile and tried, futilely, to look repentant. Once again he
was picked up. He was getting used to it.
The
commandant’s expression was one of frustration and amusement. “I indulge you.”
‘Thank God,’ Blair
thought.
“I’m proud of
you. Your teachers say that you are a wilful child and despair of you. I told
them you were bright. I didn’t realise how bright.”
Blair smiled
winsomely, content now, Jim was, albeit for the moment, safe.
They walked
back along the straight road to the villa. The cavalry were still practising
manoeuvres—swords clashing in the summer sun. A sword flashed and a sunbeam
bounced catching Blair’s eyes...
~*~
Panic... chaos...
Blair darted to the side away from the throng of wailing people trying to find
refuge beside a wall. He had no idea where he was but fear was rife in the
air. He flattened himself against the
wall and looked into the rioting crowd. Grey tenement buildings, smashed
together in the smallest possible pace, seemed to hang, threateningly, over
him. One woman screamed—a high pitched, heartrending scream. Blair focused on
her. A man pulled her to her feet and braced her with his own body. A flash of
yellow caught the anthropologist’s eye. Then another, then another. People wore a yellow star sewn badly onto
their clothes. Blair knew where he was
and his blood froze in his veins.
‘Nazi
“Jacob! Stay
will us.” A hand grabbed his shoulder and shook him. “I cannot find your
mother, I think that she has gone on one of the trains ahead.”
Horrified,
Blair stared open mouthed at the Hasidic Jew who was shaking him. The long
curls on either side of the man’s face bobbed with every movement.
“Trains to
“I do not
know.
“They’re
lying —they’re going to kill us *ALL*. This is the Holocaust!” His heart was
clamouring against his rib cage.
“Don’t be
silly. Here, take your cousin and come with us.”
A wriggling
baby was thrust into his arms and the man dragged him into the screaming,
milling crowd. Blair dug in his heels, promptly losing the older man. The wash
of people carried him forward, as he stumbled with the weight of the baby. He
was older than Aggripina but he was not a man and the tiny baby weighed heavily
in his thin arms. Even the tiny baby wore the obscene yellow star pinned to her
breast.
The fate of
the baby in a concentration camp was written in stone. Babies were of no use to
the Third Reich. They were simply disposed of with a casual contempt that Blair
hoped he would never understand.
A narrow
alley called to him. Fighting with the strength only desperation could bring,
Blair forced him way through the people and staggered into its relative
protection. Cowering behind a mess of crates and refuse, he breathed rapidly
and unevenly, halfway towards a panic attack. The baby wiggled against him.
Ruthlessly, Blair clamped down on his reaction, since now was not the time. He
placed the baby carefully on some sacking and took stock. Rifling through his
pocket he found a mélange of child’s toys and a few sticky sweets. Then he
found a penknife. Brutally, he ripped away the star on his chest and then the
baby’s. Repulsed, he cast them aside. He ran his fingers through his hair
‘Get away.
Get away. Get away. You’re in danger.’ The litany ran in his mind and Blair
agreed with its message.
Picking up
the baby and smothering its weak cries against his chest, he ran pell-mell down
the alley. They emerged on the opposite side of the tenement buildings to a
deserted street. Rubble was scattered across the road and a few burnt out
vehicles had been pushed onto their sides. Apparently there had been some sort
of uprising. On the far side another alley beckoned. Keeping low, he scurried
around the blocks of stone heading away from danger.
“Stop!”
Blair ignored
the command. A single bullet whizzed overhead. Picking up speed, he ducked into
the alley. Fear lent wings to his feet and the baby seemed weightless. What was
the point of stopping? What was the point of arguing with someone who had
already decided that you were less than nothing? Another bullet whizzed
overhead. Blair ducked, and scampered into the welcome alley. Heavy jackboots
stomped after him; the man wasn’t even running. It was as if a cat was playing
with a mouse.
The baby
kicked against him. Blair held it with a ruthlessness that surprised him. He
darted around crates and refuse as another bullet skimmed past his arm,
spanging off a wall, dislodging mortar. Elaborate swearing filled his ears as
the larger man on his heels kicked his way through the slalom course, Blair had
dodged through. With half of his attention on the looming terror behind him,
Blair nearly missed the figure standing waiting for him at the end of the
alley.
He skidded to
a halt, breathing sharply. Tall, blond, blue-eyed, muscular, the man was the
perfect example of Adolph Hitler’s Aryan ideal. He was also the very image of
Jim Ellison. Blair’s heart lodged in his throat. Jim Ellison wore the hated
uniform of the SchultzStaffel (SS)—Hitler’s elite. It was such a base betrayal
that he felt like crying.
“Kill the
little bastard, lieutenant,” another person said.
Blair would
have known that voice anywhere. Could the nightmare get any worse? The spirit
walker turned as the other SS officer cast aside the final crate and stood
before him in all his infamous glory. Pale, pale, wet eyes gleamed with an
orgasmic lust. Wispy blond hair was gelled in a skull cap. He wore the swastika
with pride.
David Lash
was in his element.
“Kill the
brat. I will take the baby.”
Blair tried
not to cower as Ellison grabbed the fleshy part of his arm above the elbow and
gave him a light shake. “Why do you want the baby, Obergruppenfuhrer?”
“Don’t be so
naive, Captain,” Lash said snidely.
Lash oozed
his way forward, reaching out for the black headed baby girl. Blair cowered
away, unable to find it in himself to kick and spit at the image of Ellison
holding him.
“The child,
Captain.”
“I will take
them to the train and return them to their parents,” Ellison said patiently.
Blair looked
up at him, hope in his eyes. Could it be true that Jim didn’t know of the
atrocities sanctioned by the higher echelons of the S.S.?
“I gave you
an order, lieutenant,” Lash continued, imminent demotion in his voice.
Slowly,
Ellison reached for the baby. Blair could see the right angled cross of the
swastika at the officer’s throat. Pinned to his breast was an iron cross,
rather than a yellow star. This Ellison was a hero to the Third Reich.
“Please!”
Blair stared imploringly up at his Blessed Protector. Self preservation kept
him talking. “He is going to send us to Dachua or
“Be quiet!”
The blow took
him by surprise. Blair found himself face down on the ground the baby wailing
beneath him. He rolled away from the kick that he knew was coming and had the
perverse satisfaction to see a polished boot become scuffed in the dirt as it
missed him.
“Miserable
little brat.” Slowly, vindictively, Lash pulled out his luger and pointed it at
Blair’s forehead.
Staring up
the barrel of the blocky gun, Blair felt his heart almost stop in pure terror.
He could feel another set of boots to his left and he knew that Ellison was
standing beside him.
“Where did
you hear the names of the camps?” Lash demanded.
“Obergruppenfuhrer,
the child probably heard officers talking.”
“Obergruppenfuhrer?”
Blair echoed. That meant that Lash was one of Hitler’s elite, studying the
so-called-mystic arts. His thoughts bent sideways as he attempted to react
coldly and logically. It had never been proven to the satisfaction of the
general public that Hitler’s top cabal of officers had in fact been an occult
group. But regardless of reality he was on a spirit walk; this wasn’t happening.
He was using shamanistic techniques to explore his inner reality to better
understand the miasma of, and he admitted it, the depression weighing him down.
Now he faced his ultimate nightmare, Lash.
He had had
enough of this spirit walk he wanted to go home. Now.
Lash pistol
whipped him. Pain blossomed across Blair’s cheek. Why did he feel pain? This
was a dream - wasn’t it? Claw like hands grabbed his collar and dragged him to
his feet. The baby slipped out of his grasp, dropping to the ground with a
startled squeal. Damp hands gripped his head forcing him to meet Lash’s damp
gaze.
“Little boy,
where did you hear the names of the camps?” Lash drawled.
Terror made
his heart slam against his rib cage. He could feel the perspiration trickling
between his shoulder blades.
“I dreamt
it!” Blair blurted. “I dream things. It told me to run from the trains or I
would die....” The anthropologist dredged up every minor detail that he could
remember from reading about Nazi connections with the occult. “You’re a Knight
of the New Templars.”
Lash’s eyes
narrowed.
Blair’s words
tumbled out in his haste to convince Lash not to kill him. “You’re trying to
find the spear of destiny... the Spear of Longinus for the Furher. You’re
looking for the spear that pierced Jesus Christ’s side to ensure that the Third
Reich is victorious for a millennia.”
“Tell me
more, brat.”
Hitler was
obsessed by the occult. Blair knew that for a fact. “I saw a castle.... A castle on a cliff top.
A castle in the...west? I saw a sacrifice. A sacrifice of an officer of the
S.S... he was the best of the best....” Blair’s words trailed off and he
glanced sideways at Ellison.
A maniacal
gleam flared in Lash’s eyes. “What a beautiful little gem.” The grip on his
head became a slimy caress. “You do have the gift.”
Obfuscations
aside, Blair suddenly wondered if he had got himself into more trouble. Deftly,
Lash twisted his grip, propelling Blair into Ellison’s side. “Keep him close,
he may be of use.”
“The baby,
Obergruppenfuhrer?” Ellison nodded at the child, squalling on the hard earth.
“The
Sturmabteilung will deal with it,” Lash said dismissively. “This one will be of
much more use. Take it to the car. I
want to continue looking around.”
Ellison
saluted, and Blair’s heart dropped further. How could this be? How could Jim
Ellison be a nazi? It was beyond belief. Half-choked by the massive hand
gripping his collar, he was frog-marched along, feet barely touching the
ground.
“This is
seriously bad karma, man,” Blair hissed up at his captor. “You’re a sentinel;
you should be protecting people not...”
His words
were cut short as he was dumped in the back of a black Daimler.
“You should
be honoured that Obergruppenfuhrer Liske has chosen you to serve the Third
Reich,” Ellison said impassively.
“What planet
are you from?” Blair said disparagingly. “By the end of this war, two-thirds of
the population of Jews in
The resultant
slap made his ears ring.
“You will
keep a civil tongue in your mouth.”
‘I haven’t
even started yet.’
“You wanna
know what they do to people? They give them showers, but there is no water—just
poisonous gas...”
“Be quiet.”
“You know
don’t you? How can you stand here and let it happen? They make children scavenge
the bodies looking for everything from jewellery to gold teeth.”
“You are
speaking of rumour and innuendo.” Ellison said flatly.
“Fuck you,”
Blair said rudely. “I’m telling the truth. And if you’d bother to look—you’d
know that I speak the truth.”
“And what
would you have me do? I am one man.” Ellison raised his eyes heavenward, as if
finding his own words impossible to believe.
“Find the
evidence, make copies to give to the Allies when they take over.”
“You’re
talking treason, boy.” Ellison threw his hands in the air. “Why am I talking to
you? You’re a...”
“A Jew?”
Blair shot back. “So what? I’m a human being. I don’t believe that you’re doing
this. It’s... it’s... abhorrent. Jim Ellison, you disgust me.”
The perfect
S.S. officer’s brow furrowed. “My name is Eichmann.”
Blair
vomited. Curled up on the floor of the Daimler, he wiped the mess from his
mouth. Shocky and nauseated, he could only shudder, his entire world view had
changed.
“Ach!”
Ellison (or was it Eichmann?) stepped back, utterly disgusted.
Blair picked
himself up. The S.S. officer had retreated away from the stink of the vomit.
Perhaps sentinel senses were working? But this wasn’t Jim Ellison, Blair
corrected himself, so why would there be sentinel senses? Eichmann was
occupied, masking his nose with a perfectly pressed handkerchief.
Blair took
the opportunity that had been presented. The opposite door of the car was
unlocked. A heartbeat later he was running pell-mell down the road, dodging
through more rubble and crates. He could hear the officer spitting and swearing
as he attempted to force his larger mass through the makeshift barriers left by
the inhabitants of the ghetto to impede the advance of the nazi troops.
A gap in a
wooden fence caught his eye. A small gap. Blair swerved towards the opening. At
the top of the fence was coiled barbed wire. Eichmann would not be able to
climb over the fence.
“Halt!”
Eichmann ordered.
Blair
automatically skipped sideways. A bullet parted his hair, shearing off a couple
of curls. Shocked, he stumbled and sprawled flat on the ground. Another bullet
whizzed passed him. Galvanised, Blair rolled onto his back and peered up at the
S.S. towering over him. A hard eyed figure stood over him — emotionless and
distant as the moon. Blair watched horrified as Eichmann calmly sighted along
the barrel of his luger and fired.
~*~
The light
took him unawares.
~*~
“Noooo!” Blair flailed at the hands trying to
hold him. A multitude of sensation assailed him. Bright light, green foliage,
confining clothes, overwhelming bright blue eyes...
“Sister! What
is the matter?” a strident voice questioned.
The panicked
breathing echoing in his ears was his own. Desperate to find some modicum of
sense, Blair clapped his hands over his eyes. Ruthlessly, he ignored the voice
clamouring for his attention. This was all a dream — this was all a dream. He
was on a spirit walk. This wasn’t happening.
“SISTER!”
‘Sister?’
Blair peeked between his splayed fingers. A young woman peered at him
worriedly. Riotous copper curls framed a heart shaped face that was creased in
concern. Blair didn’t want to look, he really didn’t want to look. Slowly he
dropped his hand and looked into those familiar blue eyes. James Ellison looked
at him from within the mask of a young, barely prepubescent woman.
“Emily, speak
to me. Shall I get Papa?”
Narrow,
dainty hands gripped his own, similarly, dainty hands. Looking in the large doe-like
eyes he saw himself—literally—mirrored in them. He was the spitting image of
the young woman holding him. Identical twin sisters?
“No, sister.
I had a sudden blinding headache. It’s gone.”
Frankly
disbelieving, the young woman rocked back on her heels, releasing his hands. “I
thought that you were dying!”
James Joseph
Ellison had never been as excitable. Blair found himself leaning forward to pat
her hand reassuringly.
“I think that
I was dreaming, awake...” The words were voiced, unbidden. Blair wondered at
the cadence of his speech. The masks his spirit wore seemed to affect his
thoughts and actions.
“Here,
sister.” The young woman offered him a delicately fluted crystal goblet.
Blair stared
stupidly at it for a moment before taking the drink. Hiding his confusion
behind the masquerade of concentration on the glass, he belatedly took stock.
They sat on a grassy knoll overlooking a sea vista. A tall ship, sails unfurled
to catch the slight sea breeze, tacked towards the horizon. At their feet sat
an elaborate picnic complete with an embroidered tablecloth. Not a single item,
from glassware to the paté seemed to be mass produced. Where was he? What era?
“Emily?”
Blair smiled
at Jim. The answer sat before him. His sister wore a sky blue dress of heavy
silk or brocade, with full skirts that forced the young woman to kneel to cope
with the mass of material. The eighteen-century dress was supported with a
bodice that forced his... her... attributes upwards. ‘God, this spirit
walk’s confusing.’ Blair looked down, he wore exactly the same cut of
dress, and... boy... was it uncomfortable. The bodice hampered his breathing
and pinched in the most personal of places.
“Emily, what
did you dream? I thought that your heart was going to leap out of your mouth!”
“I dreamt
that you killed me.”
Jim blanched
as white as a sheet, throwing the spray of freckles across her snub nose into
sharp relief.
“How...
how... how...Emily, how could you even think that I could do such an awful....”
Blair fumbled
inelegantly to his feet, hampered by the full skirts. He paced before his
sister trying to put his thoughts in order.
“I’m going to
tell Charles to get Papa. I think that you’re having a funny turn.” She turned
to look at an elaborately dressed footman, complete with curly powdered wig,
waiting in the shade of a large tree at the edge of the meadow.
“Stay!” Blair
snarled, fixing his sister with a poisonous glare. She froze, crystal tears
welling in her eyes.
“Emily,” she
sobbed.
“You killed
me. Did you kill me? You pointed your gun at me. I saw the flash of light from
the gun. But it wasn’t you. No, it
wasn’t your fault. You weren’t in control. You know... Have you heard about the
perils of obedience?” Words tumbled insanely. “There was this study in the
aftermath of the Second World War where this scientist called Milgrim
investigated how far that people would go if they were ordered. Do you know
that most people will obey the most horrific of instructions if they believe that
they come from someone in authority? Fuck. Not everybody. But most people. Only
the rarest of rare don’t blindly follow orders. I don’t believe for one moment
that you’re a Nazi. That’s against the rules of the universe. So what did it
mean? Why did I see you as the most evil incarnation that I could possibly
perceive? Am I that screwed up? Were you once incarnated as a German who became
a S.S. officer through no choice of your own because you were the best of the
best? But it wasn’t you, was it? He looked like you, but I couldn’t see your
soul in his eyes. Am I stepping through our incarnations or am I having a
bizarre, horrible dream? Naomi would *love* this!” Blair continued to pace,
practically babbling. “What does it mean? I saw you as my father, then as a
chieftain and finally as an S.S. officer—those are all positions of authority.
You don’t have authority over me. I respect your opinion and I listen to you
when you speak to me with the benefit of experience. But you don’t have
authority...”
“Sister?” A
little voice said tentatively.
Blair stopped
his spiel and stared at the pert young woman peering at him so worriedly. His
sister. He snorted; Jim was his identical twin sister, hardly a position of
authority.
“Are we
close?” Blair demanded.
Jim’s eyes
flashed to the right, to the left, as if hunting for some kind of escape.
“We’re... inseparable.”
“Do we
fight?”
“Papa say
that we’re so close that we’re ‘sweetness and light’; we don’t fight, at all.
You’re scaring me.”
“We don’t
fight? You’re not Jim then. We fight. Not really, just over the little things.
He finally listens to me, you just have to bang him over the head. But he
finally listens to me. He listened to me about the pheromone thing. He listened
to me about the spirit guide thing. Eventually. Why didn’t I keep at him over
Alex? Why did I let him throw me out of the loft? I just went. That wasn’t
right. WHY? Why did you just let me go? I thought that we had something better
than that.”
Unaccountably,
Blair felt tears gathering.
“It hurt. It
hurt.” He sniffed, once. “I know. I know. You gotta be a man about this. Check
your emotions at the door. You can still be *fucking* hurt, though!”
“Emily!” Jim
caught him by the arms and gave him a shake. “What ever I did. I am sorry.
You’re the other half of my soul. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. You’re my
best friend.”
“Why couldn’t
you say that out there in the real world? Look I’m sorry, too! I though... I
thought, if you and Alex got together there would be fireworks. I was *really*
surprised by the fireworks. You were insane. Why on earth did you kiss Alex –
mating instinct? That was what I said, wasn’t it! Why did you go to the temple
alone?”
“Do you mean
Lord Alexander Sutton? I didn’t kiss him, Emily. He’s,” she hesitated and
shivered, “awfully ugly and... fat.”
“Ah —” He’d
forgotten in his vitriol that he wasn’t facing Jim Ellison. Apparently they still had a few issues to
address. Was that what this spirit walk was about? Was he down because he felt
that they hadn’t resolved their disagreement? Ooh, that was a nice word for a
breakdown in friendship, a fight about trust.
“Shit,” Blair
sagged to his knees, the yards of silks forming his skirts fluffed upwards,
swamping his body.
“Charles! Get
Papa; Emily is ill. Hurry!”
“Yes, Lady
Louisa,” came the faint reply.
The drumming
of hooves against sundried earth broke Blair from his misery. Two ornately
dressed men galloped across the meadow. Blair viewed their tailored,
embroidered jackets and flouncy silk shirts with some dismay, evidently the
men’s clothes were worse than the women’s. The younger of the two men
dismounted with a flourish. Simultaneously, Blair saw a vision in tights and
recognised his colleague from Major Crime, one Brian Rafe.
“Lord Bute,”
Jim gushed. Blair felt positively nauseated, that wasn’t his Jim Ellison.
“Emily’s taken a funny turn. Charles has gone for Papa — he’s fishing by the
lake. Can you help?”
“Of course,
Lady Louisa.”
Blair barely
had time to squawk an unladylike squawk before he was picked up and deposited
in the arms of the other rider. Captain Simon Banks, although he was probably
named Lord Algernon Cromlyx Folxworthy, held him securely on his lap. The pale,
pasty skin of a blue-blooded aristocrat vied with Blair’s memory of the
captain, but he knew who held him.
“Be calm,
Lady Ellison.” Banks’ authoritarian tones survived this incarnation along with
his immense height.
“Ellison?”
Blair queried. “I’m an Ellison?”
“You are not
yet my wife, my love,” Banks said evenly.
Blair
actually felt his jaw drop, he was struck dumb. Engaged to Simon Banks? How had
his subconscious dredged up this scenario? Now was probably a good time to
stage a swoon. Although given the tightness of his whalebone bodice, fainting
probably wasn’t that unusual.
“Sister?” Jim
asked sweetly, she was at his feet controlling the voluminous skirts, ensuring
that his ankles remained covered, as was seemly.
“WHAT?” Blair
demanded. If this was happening, and he was travelling through his
incarnations, he was probably doing serious damage to Emily’s reputation.
“Nothing,
Emily,” Jim said soothingly, patting his leg. “I’m just worried about you.”
Blair sagged
against Banks’ chest and cupped his hands over his eyes. ‘I am calm. I am
calm.’ The mantra did little to help. He was surprised by the gamut of
emotions that had assailed him. His anger towards his best friend repulsed him.
Yet he revelled in it. It was cathartic.
He was barely
aware of the horse’s slow walk. God, his head hurt. Was this mad dream actually
happening? His head felt so fuzzy, making thought difficult. If it was
happening, was it an out of body experience?
~*~
Jim carefully
laid Blair on the carpet ensuring that he was in the recovery position.
Training and experience made him assess the anthropologist’s medical condition
before rushing to the telephone and calling the paramedics. All Blair’s
physical responses were on an even keel apart from the fact that he was
unconscious. Catatonia, he wondered. Had Blair ingested something? As his
fingers brushed against the cool skin on Blair’s cheek he saw a sudden flash of
colour. Pictures assailed him — jack boots and deadly black uniforms. Jarred,
he fell back, severing the flow of images.
A black and
cloying miasma seemed to cling to his hands. He could see it in his mind’s eye,
slimy smoke crawling around his fingertips. This was out of the realm of
medical science; this dealt with the sentinel and shaman guide. And the
sentinel feared the supernatural part of his heritage. Once in a blue moon, he stepped into the
other world—he saw spirit guides and saw resonances of images past and present.
And his visions preceded horror.
It always
struck as cruel that the one partner of their relationship who would revel in
visions never experienced them. Apart from at the fountain; they had shared a
vision, he realised belatedly. The loft bore the trappings of meditation:
candles, incense and music. Blair had obviously planned a serious session of
meditation. The anthropologist had been distracted of late, lost in deep
thoughts. Yet, every time the detective had asked him if there was anything
wrong, the ex-grad student had replied that all was ‘fine’.
Obviously
not.
“Blair, what
the Hell have you been doing?” Automatically, he reached out touching Blair’s
pale forehead. And the images swamped him.
“Oh, shit.”
Flash. Grey
light. He stood in a picture that felt like a faded image of an old photograph.
Mannequins dressed in wild costumes were poised in motion. A tall man—his hair
hidden by a white wig with a ponytail tied at the nape of his neck, and wearing
an embroidered waistcoat and ruffled cravat—held a young woman in his arms. Her
dress, with miles of material, obscured any further details. But her face drew
Jim’s eye. Despite the washed out colours he could tell that her hair was the
purest shade of copper. Her freckles matched the fine curls. Their very
darkness spoke of her pallor.
‘Was she
ill?’ Jim wondered.
The thought
seemed to breathe life into the image. Jim had the most bizarre feeling that he
was watching the scene through another’s eyes. The other players, who were as
shadows, kept out of the tall man’s way as he barrelled his way along the
decadently bedecked corridor to the swirling white marble staircase at the far
end. Abruptly Jim realised that he was in fact watching the scene through
another’s eyes as he moved forwards after the pair. A maid (Jim assumed) rushed
though an open doorway, her mouth moving anxiously. Jim guessed that her
consternation was due to the young woman in the man’s arms. The lord brushed
her off with a snarl and mounted the stairs. Jim leaped forward, scurrying
after them. The upper landing was as ornate as the lower hall — gilt framed
portraits and the occasional scene of running horses graced the walls.
The lord
kicked open a door and Jim knew that he was in a woman’s bedroom. A pink
swathed four poster bed dominated the room. Jim dogged the lord’s side as he, with
infinite gentleness, laid the young woman on the plump pink bedspread. She
slumped back onto the pile of pillows and peered up at them through dazed eyes.
The lord bestowed a gentle kiss on the young woman’s lips and she went ridged
in pure shock.
Jim had never
seen anyone so struck dumb before. She was beyond speechless, not even
breathing. The lord cocked his head to the side, questioning, and then dipped
down, his lips puckering. Her eyes were as wide as oceans and mute with shock
as the lord kissed her once more. He stayed a heartbeat longer, melting into
the kiss. Her palms batted the bedspread, nervously, a staccato beat of terror
or virgin passion.
Abruptly the
scene shifted and Jim fell back into the real world. The loft, painted in
living colour, breathed light and life. But Blair was cold, almost shocky, and
he was curled on his side resting against the detective’s hip.
“What the...”
Jim backed away, looking at his fingers, turning his hands over to view the
backs, trying, insanely, to see what had happened. He had touched Blair and had
the strangest waking dream imaginable. He had had waking dreams before, when
Alex—a woman who shared his preternatural abilities but by no stretch of the
imagination shared the honour and protective instincts of a sentinel—had
threatened both him and his partner. He wasn’t very good at interpreting
visions; he had no idea what this one meant. The woman in his vision had been
ill. Did that mean that Blair was ill? If this was a sentinel-thing the doctors
at the
Hesitantly,
he bent to take his friend’s pulse. Then stopped, concerned that touching his
friend would trigger another vision. ‘So be it,’ he realised, ‘this
might be the only way to figure out what was happening.’ Gingerly, he
touched the base of Blair’s throat, sensing the beat of life on many levels.
The magic
whisked him away.
~*~
Blair lay
against the pillow, his fingertips resting against his lips. Simon Banks had
kissed him—full on the lips with a hint of tongue. His lips tingled. A nervous
reaction, he believed, shaded with a hint of shock.
“Unreal.
Un... fucking... real,” Blair said tiredly.
The domed
canopy of the four poster bed seemed claustrophobic, so he rolled onto his side
and stared out of the window at the rolling green fields of southern
The door to
his room opened interrupting his thoughts. Blair contained a sigh as he
recognised his sister, the incarnation of Ellison.
“How do you
feel?” she asked meekly.
“Better,”
Blair growled perfunctorily.
“Oh, Emily.
Can you not talk to me?” She settled, gingerly, on the edge of the bed. “We do
not usually have secrets from one another.”
“Is the
doctor coming?” Blair asked changing the subject. That question hit to close to
the bone, secrets and a lack of trust had led him on this venture.
“Lord Cromlyx
sent Charles into the village to speak to the physician.” Jim—no
Louisa’s—expression turned pained, as she accepted the change in subject.
Blair cast a
leery glance at the woman, momentarily distracted by the outward appearance.
The petite nature and glowing copper hair warred with his image of the
detective. Self effacing, demure and retiring, there was none of Jim Ellison,
ex-ranger, selfless-selfish, moral hardass in this young woman. How could one
be the other?
“Don’t worry,
Darling. I won’t tell Papa that Lord Cromlyx kissed you.”
Unconsciously,
Blair touched his lips. “How am I going to face Simon next time I see him?” he
wondered out loud.
“You are to
be married to Lord Cromlyx in the autumn, surely a kiss or two will not go
amiss?” She essayed a small but reassuring smile.
So the
blue-blooded aristocrat in this era was also called Simon, fascinating. More
so, that the authority the captain carried seemed to survive in both
incarnations. As long as Simon didn’t do that chortling, false laugh that he
forced out when facing absurd situations, Blair felt that he could cope with
the whole affair.
He was
distracted as Jim gave a shudder that rocked the bed with its violence. For a
heartbeat Blair was sure that her blue eyes glowed.
“Louisa?” he
ventured. “Are you all right? Sister?”
Blair watched
as Jim cast about the room, unsure and then focused his intense gaze on him.
“Fine,” the
young woman said sharply, “uhm, sister. I ... er think that I...uhm... am
coming down with... your...uhm... It’s been a long day.” Abruptly, she shook
herself like a large dog.
“Look, I’m
sorry,” Blair began, responding to the mute appeal in the young woman’s eyes.
It wasn’t her fault that he was on a spirit walk. Evidently Emily and Louisa
were close and his possession was hurting the young woman. “I didn’t mean to
frighten you. I can’t explain what happened before; it’s too strange. You
wouldn’t believe me. I will tell you everything, as soon as it makes sense.”
Jim stared
directly at him, turning a pasty white at his words. Blair cocked his head to
the side and stared into his sister’s eyes. James Ellison stared back at him.
Blair blinked once. He knew that the soul of Jim lay within the vessel of
Louisa, yet this seemed more—closer—for lack of a better word.
“JIM?” he
hissed incredulously.
“Sandburg?”
“Shit!” they
said simultaneously.
Louisa — no
Jim — stood and backed away. Caught up in the full skirts he tumbled to the
floor, swearing like a trooper. Hampered by his own skirts, Blair struggled
from his reclining position to crawl across the king sized bed. Jim had managed
to prop himself up on one elbow and was staring up at him.
The bedroom
door was flung open and in strode Lord Cromlyx followed by a little goblin of a
man, dressed in black knickerbockers and a black flared jacket. Perched on his
nose was a golden pince-nez. Blair didn’t recognise him or the soul within.
Simon stepped
to the side allowing the older man to enter. The summer sunlight caught the
man’s eye glasses momentarily blinding the anthropologist, with a white light.
Blair didn’t even have time to swear as he was pulled away from 18th Century
and on with his journey.
~*~
James Joseph
Ellison considered himself to be a logical man, firmly routed in reality. He
hoped if he kept telling himself this that he would believe it — and if he
believed it this ‘dream’ would end.
‘I am
relaxed. I am relaxed.’ His mantra did not help.
One moment he
was facing a young woman who for some impenetrable reason was Sandburg and the
next he was standing on a stone balcony over looking a valley dominated by a
wide river. He sniffed, automatically using his senses to analyse the world
around him. He tasted salt - the river was in fact an estuary and the tide was
sweeping inwards. Far away on horizon, he could see golden sands and a hint of
blue sea. Between him and the deep blue sea he could see squat buildings made
of wattle and daub and the occasional stone structure. Yet none of the
buildings had a radio or television antenna. Curiouser and curiouser. He wasn’t
stupid; the first scene had been like something out of Jane Austen, this was
something out of Indiana Jones — he had travelled to another time.
‘Damn,
sentinel senses,’ he thought viciously.
He finally
took stock of his clothing. He wore a long pleated dress girdled at the waist
with a chain of golden links with an effigy of a lion as the clasp resting just
above his crotch. A matching necklace adorned his chest, liberally daubed with
lapis lazuli and emerald jewels. Across his forehead he could feel the heavy
weight of more gold. Curious, he lifted it off his head and had a good look.
The golden skullcap supported striped material— it didn’t take a rocket
scientist to identify the head-dress. Egyptian.
Apparently he
was somewhere in
‘What the
Hell does this have to do with Blair’s meditation?’ he wondered.
What did this mean? He cast about looking for the jaguar that usually walked in
his visions. From his history lessons he knew that Egyptians venerated cats. So
an Egyptian scene might follow with a jaguar. He ground his teeth together,
annoyed by his predicament and the fact that he did not understand what was
happening. The whole experience felt like lucid dreaming. He knew that he was
within the loft, his fingers resting against Blair’s cold, clammy forehead, yet
at the same time he was looking out over an ancient horizon.
All he could
do at this time was to see where the meditation took him. Perhaps he would meet
Blair and he would tell him what had started this trip.
He strode off
the balcony and through a wide open doorway buttressed by carved figures of
angular men. The hall he walked through was similarly supported by massive
carved figures. Halfway down the hall two overweight bald men, bowed fervently,
and then threw open the massive doors beside them. The two fat men scuttled
away. Jim stood on the threshold, testing the room before entering. The next
room could only be a throne room. Impressed, despite himself, he walked in. A
golden throne dominated the room drawing his eye. Curled next to it was a
cheetah, watching him with pale, distant eyes.
Another
soft-fat man appeared from behind a pair of shimmering curtains, to the left of
the throne, he bowed once and then strode across the cold marble floor to stop
polite distance from the sentinel. Jim waited patiently, taking the time to
assess the man before him. The strangest lack of scent reached him — and Jim concentrated
through the miasma of perfumes surrounding the man. The wig especially seemed
to be soaked in some cloying oil. He was a short, dumpy little man. Jim focused
and abruptly realised what he was missing - the telltale taste of testosterone.
The man before him was a eunuch. Hence, Jim guessed that he was some kind of
servant.
“Yes?” Jim
finally asked, detecting nervous beads of perspiration on the man’s upper lip.
“My Lord and
Living God, Pharaoh — the envoy from the Lower Lands has arrived.” There was a
definite tilt to his voice implying a question.
Jim’s
thoughts bent sideways; what was the Ancient Egyptian protocol for meeting
envoys? He guessed since he was Pharaoh, Lord and Living God (he’d have to
remember to apprise Blair of his new status and the respect that it would
accord) anything he said would go. He grinned wolfishly.
“Let them
enter.”
The eunuch
blinked once and then backed away, bowing every few steps until he disappeared
through the curtain.
With a swirl
of his robes, Jim settled on the gold throne. Draping himself over the
cushioned seat he patted the cheetah’s head casually. It leaned into the caress
with a loving purr.
Ever the
military ex-ranger and premier detective he wondered where the Lord and Living
God’s bodyguard were. He shifted on the throne, assessing the exits and cover
in the throne room. A number of potential weapons decked the walls.
Unflappable, Jim decided to wait and see.
Should he
stand? Should he sit? Since he was a God he decided he would sit.
A fanfare of
horns announced arrival of the envoy. A bevy of tall well-armed men, parading
two-by-two entered through the main door. They took a standard position of
protection on either side of the hall in single file. Standing poised; they
were obviously the bodyguard.
A number of
young women flimsily dressed in silks and negligées streamed from hidden
doorways on either side of the hall. They arrowed towards the throne and draped
themselves decoratively at the sentinel’s feet. Jim withheld a cough, almost
gagged by the perfume clinging to their wigs. The women were almost impossible
to tell apart, their faces caked with white powder and their eyes limed by
heavy kohl.
The sentinel
cast about, looking for Blair within the throng, but he couldn’t see him
anywhere. He hadn’t really recognised him last time as the woman until he... or
she... had spoke. It had been more the cadence of the woman’s words than
anything else that had told him that he faced his partner.
‘Damn,’ Jim snarled
inwardly. ‘I’m going to kill Incacha next time I see him. I don’t care if
he’s dead already.’
Once upon a
time all he had to face were criminals and bureaucrats. Then a jaguar spirit
guide had stalked its way into his life—offering cryptic advice and
unflattering character assessments. The spiritual side of his sentinel
inheritance had led to visions and lately interaction with a ghost. If he never
met a ghost again it would be too soon. But now he was dreaming within a dream.
At least he hoped that he was dreaming this.
Jim sighed
phlegmatically as he watched the scene unfolding before him. Gaily dressed
figures—male and female—practically nude except for brightly coloured feathered
head-dresses and loincloths danced into the throne room. As their whirling
dance progressed they each took their positions with almost military precision.
Jim noted that they did not impede the bodyguards at any time.
More sedately
dressed women entered carrying vast bowls filled with fruits and dates. They
left them at the base of the throne and then retreated to the far edges of the
throne room. The next procession presented bolts of golden cloth and finely
woven carpets. Jewels followed. Jim guessed that they were gifts to the Pharaoh
from the envoy of the Lower Lands. Was he supposed to give a gift in return? He
only hoped that his grand vizier, or whatever, had that under control. As if
his thought created the man, a wizened figure strode down the central path of
the throne room as if he owned the place. Silence filled the hall. He certainly
filled the criteria of a grand vizier, wrinkled skin, stooped posture and shiny
bald skull. The man supported himself with a gnarled staff topped by a carved
scorpion. He stopped at the base of the throne and banged his staff once
against the stone floor before bowing and then taking his position at Jim’s
right hand side.
Jim cocked
his head to the side and glanced at the man — wondering if this was Sandburg.
Surely his friend would have some position of authority? The cheetah butted his
hand as he stopped stroking its head. Jim obeyed the imperious request to
continue stroking.
“Zer is
bringing the crown of the ‘Two Powerful Ones’ before the envoy and Neithhotep, as
a gesture of respect,” the vizier said, his voice modulated not to carry.
‘Excellent,’ Jim drawled
silently. ‘Now what am I supposed to do?’
A fanfare of
horns blared through the throne room. Jim winced in response, clamping down on
his sense of hearing. He concentrated on the feel of the cat’s pointed skull
under his hand to focus his senses.
An
achondroplastic dwarf entered the hall, he held a pillow on which rested the
domed crown. This was obviously the crown of the ‘Two Powerful Ones’. The dwarf’s
shortened limbs gave him a waddling gait as he walked down the central swath of
the hall to stop at the base of the throne. He then stopped and held the crown
high. Just as Jim decided that maybe he ought to go down and pick up his crown
the vizier straightened.
“The Great
King Menes bids welcome to Queen Neithhotep and her envoy.”
His
announcement initiated a cheer from the throng.
“May the
union of Menes and Neithhotep unite the Upper and
“Aw, shit,”
Jim muttered. Luckily the cheer at the vizier’s words drowned out his words.
“And heal the
wounds caused by war.”
The room
abruptly sobered.
It was a
potential fire keg, Jim realised. Evidently he... Menes... had fought a war and
conquered the Lower Lands. This woman was now being offered to him as a war
prize come peace offering. Another fanfare heralded the appearance of a
matching high vizier at the entrance. Behind the old man stood what could only
be described as a walking tent. Supported on either side by tall Nubian
warriors it effectively masked the occupant. They walked slowly down the hall.
A slow measured walk that increased the tension in the room.
“I hope that
she’s...” Jim whispered without thinking.
“Don’t forget
that Neithhotep is the chosen of Neith, the Goddess of War and Wisdom,” the
vizier whispered back, evidently overhearing his words.
“Good
character traits,” Jim said obliquely.
“Especially in a wife.”
“It should
prove to be an interesting marriage.” A smile crossed the old man’s face.
The covering
tent fell down, and with it the hall fell into silence. The young woman gazed
imperiously at them down her long nose. Dressed in a long, golden shift
gathered at her waist and adorned with the lion effigies she was a mirror image
of the pharaoh. She lifted her head and stared directly at the Lord and Living
God.
“I,
Neithhotep, take thee Menes for my mate.”
Unconsciously,
the sentinel found himself drawn forward like a moth to the flames.
“I, Menes,
take thee Neithhotep as my love,” the words rose unbidden.
To riotous
chants, Jim melded his lips to hers. She leaned forward into his embrace, her
jaw dropping open as their tongues met. She filled his senses, entwining around
his skin. He felt blood vessels dilating, liquid burning through his veins.
Blood rushed to his extremities.
With a low,
dirty laugh, Neithhotep disengaged. “Passion…” she whispered, “should not be
shared.”
Lazily, she
gestured at the spectators.
The sentinel
fell back, his ardour quenched. He breathed deeply, once, twice. He strove for
control. Alex Barnes had stripped him of control, he had sworn never to let
that happen again. He was a man; not an animal.
Neithhotep
shimmied against him and he shivered along the entire length of his body.
“Perhaps this
will not be such a chore,” she purred.
“Uhr,” Jim
said intelligently.
“May the
All-Father Ra gaze upon you,” the vizier intoned, providing a welcome
distraction. “Let the celebrations begin!”
The fanfare
dropped him to his knees. Neithhotep became his bulwark, flowing against him,
offering support as they draped over a cascade of cushions. Her support was
instinctive, and bolstered the illusion that all was well with the Pharaoh.
“Blair?” Jim
hissed as his senses spiralled.
She pillowed
his head on her breast and Jim lost himself…
~*~
Jim awoke in
perfect comfort. Expensive silks caressed his body. He lay on a bed, splayed on
his back. Even with his arms outstretched he couldn’t touch the sides of the
mattress. Slowly, he sat up, delighting
in the feel of the silks cascading down his chest to pool at his waist.
Neithhotep was sitting on the other side of the room, performing her toilette
Embarrassed,
Jim turned away. How could he hate himself when it was only a dream? Finished,
she casually crossed the room, flesh whispering against flesh.
“Husband?”
She draped a gown around her ripe body. Relieved, Jim turned. She moved into
the shelter of his arms, and smiled, adoringly, up at him.
If he
listened very hard he could still hear Blair’s heart beating at his side.
“I did not
expect this,” Neithhotep said quietly, there was a sadness to her words that
drew his attention.
“How so?” Jim
asked, playing for time as he tried to guess.
“The simplicity of our joining. I thought that
there would be flames, recriminations… I did not expect to be taken by the
passion.”
“Why?” Jim
asked opting for the easy way out.
“We,” and it
was a royal ‘we’, “have been enemies for many generations. Our treaty brings
stability to our people, where before there was only dissension and warfare.”
“We have to
have our people’s best interests at heart.”
Neithhotep
trailed a lazy circle with her finger above his breast. “It is a strange gift
to give up everything to another but receive an equal gift in return.”
“You are very
generous.” How would the real Menes act to his new wife? He wished that Blair
was here, the anthropologist would be able to explain everything. Blair was a
font of stupid information. Ellison chastised himself, the kid was actually
useful— his contributions were helpful.
“Your
thoughts wander?”
This woman
was powerful, a goddess to her people. “I am concerned,” Jim began, delicately,
“for our people. I do not want to make any mistakes with you.”
“I do not
understand.” She drew back, chilling him.
“What I feel for you is akin to a tsunami…”
“Tsunami?”
“A wave.” Jim
edged forwards following her heat. “A wave that washes over me and takes away
reason. But we are Pharaoh…”
Neithhotep’s
lips curled upwards. A graceful, long, narrow hand came between them. Jim
shivered as her touch scorched his skin.
As inevitable as a tidal wave she washed over him. Jim’s last coherent
thought was that the Pharaoh was part of him.
~*~
Blair
stretched revelling in the feel of silk caressing him. He moved sensuously,
enjoying the feel of a different body. This was beyond his wildest dreams.
Slowly, he slipped free of the silks, allowing them to cascade down onto the
floor. As he walked his hips swung in sinuous curves. His balance was easy and
lackadaisical. He gloried in his new body.
Jim was
close. He padded unerringly down the corridor. A guard outside the Pharaoh’s
bedchamber ignored his approach. After a night of being pampered by minions he
had been set upon a bed within the Lord and Living God’s suite. Now he appeared
to have a free run of the rooms.
A large bed
dominated the chamber. Blair padded across the cold tile and, catlike, leaped
onto the bed. Jim lay sprawled in the centre of the bed, dissolute and
debauched and fast asleep. With feline grace, he slinked over the bed. Blair
crouched down and stared at his face. Jim remained oblivious, obviously
exhausted. Not surprising, judging by the noise last night. There was nothing
of James Ellison in the figure, but he recognised the soul within. Blair purred
loudly as he realised a truth. Ellison was a sum of many parts – a truly
unpredictable man. Jim was merely one facet of the soul within, and the body
effected the higher reasoning of the man.
‘You can’t
take the guy anywhere,’ Blair thought affectionately. ‘Such a creature of
emotion. It’s like living with someone with PMS on steroids. I didn’t figure
that out did I? Sometimes I am a pure scientist other times I am a complete and
utter space cadet.’
Jim mumbled
under his breath and reached out instinctively. Blair leaned into the caress.
The hair rose along the back of his neck.
Blair leaned
closer allowing his whiskers to brush the sentinel’s cheek.
“Morning,
puss,” Jim said around a yawn.
Blair leaned
back on his haunches and licked his right paw. He could learn to like being a
cheetah. The catlike quality of his thoughts allowed him to view human mores
with a detached objectivity.
Jim rolled
out of bed and, naked, padded to the balcony. Blair settled into a ball in the
centre of the bed and watched as the Pharaoh greeted the morning sun.
‘Jim
responded to Alex like a salmon urged to mate or a vulcan in pon farr. His
senses derailed all logical thought. He threw me out of the loft and I went. I
don’t normally avoid confrontation. Yet that time I ran with my tail between my
legs. Why? Was I feeling guilty because I was thinking of using Alex as my
subject of my dissertation? Yes… and that was stupid. If I had written about
her it would have saved us a lot of grief. I could hate Naomi for breaking my
trust. For destroying my life. For giving my thesis to that dirtbag. But I had to
write it. I couldn’t not write it. I needed to see the book in my hands, then I
could concentrate on the fake thesis. That one that was the lie. It’s not that
complicated: write the real thesis and keep it safe for the future. I could die
tomorrow and what I discovered would be lost. Write another thesis on
interactions between the Police and Sub-Cultures to get my degree. Yet it’s all
gone now. No thesis… so no doctorate… which means no academia so I can’t teach,
and in the end no observer’s position. I have to become a cop.
‘It’s not
fair’
Jim turned
away from the window. “I wonder where Blair is?” he said conversationally.
Blair rolled
his eyes heavenward and set about kneading the silk coverings on the bed. His
long talons shredded the material most satisfactorily.
“The kid’s
got to be somewhere. Thank God, he wasn’t Neithhotep. Imagine explaining that one
to him. I had sex with you in another life.”
‘At least
you didn’t marry Simon Banks,’ Blair thought caustically.
“Twin
sisters. That’s got to mean something. Think about it, puss. Together as
sisters…”
‘We’ve also
been father and son, captor and captive, now owner and king… Oh and don’t
forget Nazi and Jew. Gee, I think we’ve covered every possible relationship in
the book. I bet you ten bucks at some point in time we’ve done the big nasty.’
“Do you think
that we were destined to be sentinel and guide, or sentinel and shaman?” Jim
said contemplatively.
Blair cocked
his head to the side, derailed from his own deep contemplation, and intrigued
where the detective’s thought processes were taking him.
“All this
mystical shit is so irritating. Do you think this is a past life, puss? We were
sisters once and now we’re sentinel and shaman? And I know that Blair’s
somewhere around, I just haven’t found him yet.” Jim settled on the bed, he
automatically began to stroke the cat’s head.
“I don’t even know if this is really happening. Maybe I’m having an
allergic reaction to one of Blair’s essential oils? If I concentrate really
hard I can feel Blair resting against my hip and the couch against my back. I
know that I’m still in the loft…”
Blair began
to purr as the sensitive fingers caressed his fur.
“I have some
realistic dreams and there’s always a message somewhere… or a choice to be
made. I wonder what choice I have to make? Or does Blair have to make a
choice?”
‘A choice?’
Enlightenment
engulfed him. Before he could finish the thought, he moved on in his journey.
~*~
A forest. A
forest very similar to Wolf’s forest. Blair picked himself up from the ground
and peered around. Old growth surrounded him. This was no clinical, managed
woodland, this was a forest as nature intended. Mesmerised, he moved until he
could touch a Grandfather tree. He laid his palm against the rough bark,
imagining the flow of life beneath his fingers. The night sky above him was
star bright. The plough constellation arched overhead. A lambent moon, behind
the canopy of trees, limned the ebony-green leaves and spindly branches in
slivery light.
The effect
was breathtaking and magical.
Belatedly, he
realised that the fingers touching the tree were his own. He recognised the
broad square palms and long, musician’s fingers. An intricately wrought
bracelet was wrapped around his wrist. Blair recognised the stylised wolf glyph
as Celtic in origin. He took stock of his clothes, realising that they were of
an earlier age. He wore a rough, homespun tabard that decked him from his neck
to his toes. Beneath the tabard his body was bare.
Quietly,
Blair moved around the girth of the old tree. Feet, simply encased in leather
slippers, picked their way through the rough undergrowth. Somehow, he knew this
place, this old, primeval forest. Inexplicably, it reminded him of the loft. A
warmth of welcome but still aloof and restrained, tantalised him.
Ahead, Blair
could see a flickering fire. As wary as a forest spirit he slipped through the
trees to the edge of the clearing. Once there he crouched. The glade was empty,
only a fire in a stone pit welcomed him. Alert to any potential threat he crept
forwards and then squatted by the fire warming his hands. A flagon sat by the
fire; there had to be another person nearby.
Blair stood.
“Hello?”
The green
world around him was quiet. Content to rest for a moment, Blair sat
cross-legged on a stone, entranced by the dancing flames.
“Now what?”
he said conversationally. “A choice. I have to make a choice. If I make a
choice then I’ll be happy?”
Idly, he
threw pieces of twig into the flames.
“I wonder
what the choice is?”
Another twig
joined the flame.
“I wonder
where Jim is this time?” He peered over his shoulder.
“Why don’t
you take a drink?”
“Jim?” Blair
leaped to his feet, peering into the surrounding darkness eagerly.
“No, my name
is Duirdwen. But you can call me
Duir.”
Blair spun on
his heel. A man stood on the opposite side of the fire. He wore a gown like
Blair’s and he was of a similarly stocky build. His hair was dark copper rather
than chestnut, but they both had wild curls. At his waist a leather bag dangled
and he too wore a heavy gold bracelet on his wrist.
“Are you me?”
Blair ventured.
Duir came
around the fire, his gait uneven. He had an ungainly limp. “No. I can’t be both
you and me at the same time. But you came from my loins.”
“You’re my…
father?” Blair snapped defensively.
“No.” The man
sat on the stone Blair had just vacated. His broad brow furrowed as he thought.
“I think Grandfather would be better… great-great-great-Grandfather?”
“And a few
more greats, I think?”
“Perhaps.”
Duir took a swig from the flask and then passed it over to the ex-grad student.
Blair sniffed
at it cautiously and then took a tentative sip. Molten fire. Grimacing, he
managed not to cough.
“Serious
stuff,” he said weakly.
“It’s made
from honey. I assure you the next mouthful will be more pleasant.”
Blair took
another glug, and was impressed by the sweet, warmth glowing in his belly.
“So, I’m
here…” Blair left the sentence hanging, as he proffered the flagon to the older
man.
Duir accepted
it with a smile. “And you’ve got some questions?”
“Of course!
How is this happening? Is this really real?” He began to pace. “Have I been reincarnated as a son of a
Scottish Laird, a Jew murdered by the Nazi… a cheetah? That was pretty cool, by
the way.”
“What do you
think?”
“I don’t
know. Part of me thinks that I’m imagining this all and the other part thinks
passing through my reincarnations. I mean, you’re speaking English. And I’m
sure based on your clothes and jewellery that this scene is from something at
least two thousand years old – so you shouldn’t be speaking English. So that
means that it’s a dream.” Blair finished triumphantly.
“Does it
matter if it is a dream or reality? Or a bit of both? Within each of us are the
memories of who we are and who we have been. Else why do you meditate, except
to plumb that knowledge?”
“You’re being
deliberately abstruse,” Blair challenged.
Duir leaned
forwards, his hands moved catching the light from the glowing fire. “My son is
the man that I see before me, yet now I see the grandson that he will be. Do
you remember this conversation we held on the eve of summer solstice and recall
the time we spent together? Or has the spirit that became my grandson, who was
my son, returned to his earlier vessel? Are you really here? Or am *I*
imagining you?”
“You can’t
prove either,” Blair said automatically. “I can’t prove you exist.”
“So why do
you have difficulty with this spirit walk? Regardless of the route you take,
you reach a destination. The experiences differ—as do the lessons—but you can
only walk the route you can imagine.”
“You’re still
speaking English,” Blair said stubbornly.
Duir sighed
deeply. “I am not. I’m speaking Gaelic with a hint of the Pictish tongue. As
are you. Because if you remember, I’m imagining you.”
Blair lapsed
into silence. ‘I suppose if this is a previous incarnation maybe I’d be
speaking in the language of my body… the language I learnt at my parent’s knee?
Agrippina understood her father but she didn’t understand what Jim the Galli
Chieftain said. Oh, boy, I think I’m really here…’
“How?”
“How what?”
Duir cocked his head to the side.
“I mean why?
Why here? Why those points in my previous lives. How did I get here?”
“Haven’t you
attended college?” Duir asked curiously. “You are an ovate, else you wouldn’t
be here.”
“College?
Ovate?” Blair stopped his pacing, coming to a halt in front of the older man.
“Sit, my boy,
you’re making me dizzy.”
Blair sat.
Duir’s brow
furrowed. Blair felt the weight of the older man’s gaze. He sighed deeply and
passed the mead to Blair. Obediently, Blair took a mouthful, he reckoned that
their conversation would improve with inebriation.
“Ovates are
responsible for understanding the mysteries of death and rebirth, for
transcending time – for divining the future, for conversing with the Ancestors
– travelling beyond the grave to bring augury and counsel to those still living
on the earth.”
“Travelling
beyond the grave…” Blair echoed. “Alex killed me and Jim brought me back.”
“An ovate is
born and made,” Duir said sagely.
“Incacha
passed on the way of shaman to me.” He took another swig of the mead and passed
it back to his great-great Grandfather.
Duir took a
drag. “What’s a shaman?”
“Interesting,
the word doesn’t translate into Gaelic-Pict? That’s fascinating; you’re hearing
me speak in Gaelic and I’m hearing you speak English. What do you hear when I
say: Pentium Processor PC with a modem.”
Duir’s face
scrunched up as he pondered. “Vellum and word of mouth,” he hazarded.
“Wow! How
about…”
“Child!” Duir
held up his hand and said imploringly, “please, what is a shaman?”
Blair reigned
in his enthusiasm. “Shamanism is a magic-religious phenomenon in which the
shaman is the master of ecstasy. And ecstasy is the withdrawal of the soul from
the body; mystical or prophetic exaltation and rapture. It can be catalysed by
hallucinogenic plants, fasting, meditation, drumming...”
“Breathe.”
“The shaman
communes with the inhabitants of the higher and lower regions. They can
accompany souls of the deceased to the next world or affect the well-being of
the sick. They speak with nature spirits and tell stories.”
“Well,” Duir
said reflectively, “I understood most of that. But I haven’t experienced
ecstasy or used any mind altering drugs.”
“Well,” Blair
echoed, “neither have I, except for that time when Craig slipped some LSD in my
tropical fruit zombie at that frat party. But that’s the classic definition –
it’s a generalisation. Incacha might not have been a classic shaman. I don’t
know. Jim doesn’t talk about him much, but he did say that he was the healer
and confidant of his people.”
Duir leaned
forward, Blair felt himself pinned by the man’s deep blue gaze. “You could talk
the hind leg off a horse.”
Blair grinned
bashfully, and shrugged.
“An ovate’s
most potent tool is his voice,” Duir continued.
“And?” Blair
prodded, interest flared in his eyes.
“An ovate
studies tree-lore, herbalism and healing in the great colleges of Alba,
“The Druid
Schools did not survive the invasion of the Romans and then the advent of
Christianity,” Blair said soberly.
“Christianity?”
“Another
religion. It borrowed elements of the old faiths of
“Oh.” Duir
sagged backwards. “That’s very sad. And almost impossible to believe… All
gone?”
“Yes, I’m
sorry,” Blair responded to the misery in Duir’s voice. “Elements survive. But
the druids didn’t write down their mysteries so they were lost.”
“All gone?
All that knowledge lost.” Duir aged in an instant. “No wonder you’re lost. You
must be bereft, all alone, trying to find your own way… without any help.”
Blair
shuffled forwards and gently clasped the older man’s leathery hands. “Shhh, I’m
here. I’m learning. I don’t know if I’m an ovate and I don’t know if I’m a
shaman. I don’t know what I am. I used to be an… anthropologist, what I am now
is looking for my way. What I do do is learn.”
“It’s hard to
imagine what existed for over a millennia has died.” Duir lifted aged eyes.
“But… if you are here, my grandson, from wherever you came, the knowledge
survives within you. I can take hope in that.”
Blair rolled
back on his heels. Slowly, carefully, he debated his next step. There was a
choice to be made and guidance was here before him, in the man who was his
Grandfather a millennia ago.
“I didn’t
intend to travel this way,” he began. “But I’ve passed through some amazing
experiences. And now I know I need to make a choice. But I need to make an
informed choice and I don’t even know what the choice is.”
“As an ovate,
I will try to help.” Duir patted his chest. “My role is to guide people.”
“Guide?”
Blair latched onto the word.
“No, not as
witan to the weardian but as an ovate - a doctor, detective and intermediary to
my clan.”
“Time out!”
Blair held his hands out in the classic ‘T’. “Witan? I’ve heard that word
before, it’s old English it means a sentinel’s partner, it also means wise
one.”
Duir squinted
at him. The ovate speared him with a frown. The younger man froze as Duir
cupped his cheek with a leathery hand. “You are a sentinel’s partner, a witan,
are you not?”
“Yes,” Blair
said slowly, reluctantly, tiredly.
“What
happened?” Duir slipped off the rock and Blair allowed to older man to draw him
into an embrace. “Have you lost your sentinel? Is that why you travel?”
“No. I
betrayed him. I didn’t mean to! I don’t know what to do,” the hitch in his
breathing sounded close to tears. “Being a sentinel is dangerous where I come
from. The government would hurt him if they discovered that he was special.
They have no respect. It’s about take and take. My mother took the book I
wrote. I had all this stuff in my head – I had to write it down. I think that
there are people out there: autistics and schizophrenics and… I can help them
and I can help other sentinels. But I also wanted my Ph.D. and I wanted to do
post doctorate work with sentinels…with my sentinel. Maybe I unconsciously let
my mom take the book, ‘cos I wanted the secret out. I don’t know! I even had a
draft of a backup thesis. IT ALL FELL APART!” Blair wailed.
Duir rocked
him. “Oh, you confused, little boy.”
“I don’t want
to be a cop,” Blair admitted in a very soft voice. “I though about it, and it
would mean that I would be able to help Jim. But I just want to be Blair
Sandburg and work with my sentinel. I don’t want anything to change. Naïve,
I’ll admit. ”
He lapsed
into silence, leaning against the man that held him.
“Can it go
back to the way it was before?” Duir asked.
“No,” Blair
said quietly. “The milk’s spilt.”
“So what can
you do?”
Blair
remained silent as Duir stroked his hair. What could he do? Join the police
force? Stay at Jim’s side as his partner? Or… he could give it up and enrol in
another University under another name. Naomi, or one of her cronies, would be
able to provide him with false documentation and he could start all over again,
without the stigma of fraud hanging over him. Leave Jim? Was that the choice he
had to make?
‘I could move
on. I could be foot loose and fancy free. No more psychos… no more bullets and
no more bruises. It’s not as if it has been fun. I live with an uptight
emotional retard… No that it *so* not fair. He needs me. He freaks out when he
thinks that I’m leaving. He was a mess when I was offered that fieldwork in
His thoughts
milled uncertainly. Part of him was excited about starting anew, another part
was desperately sad that he had even considered it. Yet, how could he stay with
Jim? To stay at Jim’s side he had to become a police officer – and leave his
true love – the study of man, wandering around in old musty libraries, plumbing
new mysteries for the grind of police work. No more lecturing, no more students,
no more … There was a cold, miserable hollow in his guts. He had been putting
this decision, this choice off too long.
He was denying his very self. He would have to wear a gun. He’d fired to
protect his sentinel – laying down
covering fire for his sentinel but he had never aimed at anyone.
‘I do not
want to be a cop. I don’t want to shoot people.’
There he had
said it.
“I don’t want
to be a cop.” He pushed away from Duir’s chest and rubbed futilely at his
snotty nose. “There, I’ve made my decision. I don’t want to be a cop.”
“What does
your decision mean?” Duir asked sagely.
He carded his
fingers through his curls and clenched. “It means that I have to leave Jim.”
~*~
Formless, the
only thought that he had were emotion. The new being was content. A fragment of
disquiet impinged. Knowledge. Jim opened his eyes to a red tinged darkness that
throbbed with the beating of his heart.
He was
suspended. With a peculiar quality that made thinking initially a slow
laborious matter to contend with, thought processes were forged anew. Warmth.
Comfort. Content. Weird. His suspended world tipped and he rolled
slowly—completely supported. He wondered if he was in a sensory deprivation
tank. But the soothing beat still filled his ears. There was sensation, he knew
that he was alive, but it was like he was cocooned in silk.
The strangest
thing was though, that he was not breathing. How could he live and not breathe?
Gingerly, he touched his face. Something blocked his nose. It felt different,
small and snub. His nails were too short to grip the plugs. Squinting, he
peered at stubby, short fingers. His sentinel eyes refused to co-operate; in
the soothing red light he thought that he could see through them. Unerringly,
his thumb crept into his mouth. He had no idea where he was; he would wait for
Blair; Blair would find him.
Blair was
close.
~*~
The old
ovate’s face was expressionless, waiting for him to continue, offering no false
support.
Blair leaned
forward, hiding behind a veil of curls. “I’ve made my decision… so why aren’t I
happy?”
“Because you
haven’t made the right choice.”
Blair
started. “How can you say that? I know that I don’t want to be a cop!”
“True,” Duir
said complacently.
Blair
growled, frustrated. ‘Why can’t he just fucking tell me!’
“The answers
are within you, to hand them to you on a plate would cheapen them,” Duir said
apparently reading his mind.
“We are
related, aren’t we?” Blair rolled his eyes heavenward. He rarely told his
students the complete answer, but guided them with clues appropriate to their
level of understanding. He clenched his fists, infuriated, knowing that he was
missing something so very obvious to the older man.
“The line of
descent passes through unblemished to your time.”
Blair was almost
thrown by the non sequitur. “On my father’s or my mother’s side?”
“What do you
think?”
“God! You’re
worse than me.” His eyes narrowed, Blair scrutinised the copperhead,
recognising in those deep-set eyes Naomi’s essence. “Mother’s inheritance.”
“And with it
the gifts of empathy and understanding.”
Blair fell
silent. Duir allowed him to ponder as he lost himself, staring up at the sparks
dancing away from the fire into the heaven’s above.
“So,” he
began, eventually, “you’re my great-great-something-Grandfather, but you’re
also my mother a couple of millennia down the line?”
“I must love
you, if I keep looking and finding you through our lives,” Duir said simply.
“Oh,” Blair
said breathlessly.
“Finally.”
Duir leaned forward and kissed his brow. “Go home, my son.”
~*~
“Jim!” Blair
surged to his feet, bowling the sentinel over.
Automatically,
he caught his friend trying to break their fall. They wound up in a ball of
limbs between the coffee table and the sofa. Winded, Blair took stock. The
sentinel sagged against him evidently completely disorientated, his heavy head
rolling on Blair’s chest.
“Hey, Jim?”
Gently, Blair patted his friend’s cheek. The sentinel was cold to the touch.
How long had he been spirit walking? Belatedly, he remembered meeting Jim as
the incarnation of Emily. How long had they been spirit walking?
The candle
was burned to a nub; several hours.
“Hey, Jim?
Come back to mama,” he cajoled. What had happened? Jim must have joined him in
his meditation for some obscure reason. Or zoned?
Jim’s eyes
cracked open a slit. There was little or no conscious thought reflected in
those glacial blue eyes. Blair held him closer, unconsciously rocking.
“Come on,
Jim. All the way.”
The
sentinel’s lips were dry and cracked. He must have been breathing with his
mouth open. His sinuses must have been bothering him again.
“Looks like
you need to inhale some clove oil. Once you’re all the way back from your zone
we’ll get a bowl of hot water and towel and do some old fashioned first aid to
help your sinuses.”
He kept
rambling on, weighing the benefits of a good hot chilli against the merits of
an early night to nip what he thought might be a start of a bad cold.
“A hot toddy?
Warm some milk up and add a dollop of honey with a shot of whiskey.”
Jim gurgled
in the back of his throat. “Chief?”
“Hi, Jim,”
Blair said singsong. “How are you feeling?”
“Like I’ve
went four rounds with Muhammad Ali.” Grimacing, he struggled upright. “What on
earth were you thinking?” He snarled, he curled over the coffee table resting
his forehead on the cool wood.
“What do you
mean?” Blair asked softly, recognising his friend’s surliness as the beginnings
of a migraine brought on by sinusitis.
When he tried
to stand up his legs felt like spaghetti. He wobbled over to the kitchen,
hanging onto the back of the couch and the counter. Pins and needles ran up and
down his legs.
Sensation
returned agonisingly as he boiled the kettle and filled a bowl with steaming
hot water. By the time he’d added some oil of cloves (less stringent on
sensitive sentinel mucous membranes) grabbed some heavy duty painkillers and
brewed a cup of feverfew tea, he was sufficiently limbered up to carry his
preparations without dropping them.
Jim was
obviously in serious pain as he submitted to his ministrations without
complaint. His eyes were tightly shut as Blair manoeuvred him until he was
poised over the bowl, head resting on the rim. Blair draped the towel over his
head capturing the steam and began to massage tight shoulders.
They were
silent.
Then muted by
the towel, he plainly heard the words. “Are you all right?”
“Me?” Blair
responded automatically. “How are you feeling?”
“I wasn’t off
in lalla land. You stopped breathing.” Jim’s hand crept from under the towel
and latched onto his wrist feeling his pulse.
“Nah, I was
probably just breathing really slowly.”
“Why?” Jim
asked.
“Why? Why did
my breathing slow?”
Jim shook his
wrist. “Why meditate? What’s wrong? Tell me!”
“Tell you!”
Blair snarled, and instantly modified his voice as the sentinel’s shoulders
hunched.
‘I am
calm. I am calm. I am calm.’ Anger, rekindled, seethed within him.
“Talk to you?
Tell you what’s wrong? That’s a laugh.” Despite his modulated tones, none of
his ire was lost.
Jim released
him instantly.
“We never
talked about it, did we?” Blair continued viciously. “I almost died. I did die!
And then the stupid thesis. I didn’t do it on purpose. You’d learnt your lesson
so well after Barnes, your dad, everybody… that you locked everything down.
Cold, hard and untouchable. You were so fucking reasonable but as angry as a
nuclear furnace in melt down. But it wasn’t all my fault…. Oh SHIT!” Blair
fumed.
He dropped
his head onto the table and began to sob. Hard, defeated, lonely sobs. He lost
himself in them… so miserable he wanted to die.
“Chief?” the
voice came tentatively. And again, “Chief?”
Blair sniffed
loudly, his head felt full and wet; he was probably getting Jim’s cold. Fresh
tears dropped onto the table top.
“I… I’m no
good at this stuff…” Jim began. “Everything was weird with Alex, and got out of
control, but I never meant in a thousand years for anything to happen to you!
Nothing made sense.”
“S’okay, I
understand,” Blair said wetly. “She got under your skin, got your hormones all
out of synch. It just proved once again that you’re sensitive to external
stimuli.”
The
temperature at his side dropped several hundred degrees.
“See?” Blair
lifted his head and rubbed his snotty nose with his cuff. The detective was
sitting ramrod straight and his eyes were flinty, grey. “As soon as I get all
scientific on you, you close down – stop listening. It’s just the way I
communicate this kinda stuff. I was nine, maybe ten years old when this guy
told me that I’d make a good scientist. The courses that I picked in high
school and university were ninety nine times out of a hundred science based.
I’ve been brainwashed for over twenty years to communicate on a scientific
level – and I’m good at it. Okay, I won’t phrase it scientifically: it was…uhm…
the feelings…. Aw shit!
He carded his
fingers in his hair, striving to find the words.
“I can’t
think how to say it. Science is the way I interpret data, it’s the way I try
and understand things I come up with instinctively and it’s the way I write
your fucking reports and the way I wrote about you in my thesis. I
*know* that you don’t like being a study object, and I have been guilty of
seeing you as an organic machine with hypersenses – I didn’t do it on purpose!”
Blair wound
to a halt, drained.
Jim faced
him, the towel was still wrapped around his neck, a faint odour of clove
surrounded him and there was a glimmering of moisture in his blue eyes.
“You’re a
person, and you’re my friend,” Blair finished.
Jim was
frozen in stone. He breathed once, harshly —holding onto his iron control.
“I know that
I’m… difficult. I don’t like to think that I’m different,” his words were sharp
and clipped. The word ‘freak’ hovered unspoken between them. “When dreams start
and I start overreacting and nothing makes sense — I don’t like it. And then I
go… inward to ignore it, until it goes away. It didn’t work with Alex and it
got you killed. I almost killed my best friend.”
“It wasn’t
you!” Blair flung himself forward and gripped Jim’s shoulders. “It was you with
your territory invaded, you with the memories of your father calling you a f…
names, you reacting to pheromones…”
“See!” Jim
pulled away and staggered to his feet. “How can I trust myself? I could smell
some nasty aftershave and go psycho!”
Blair
refrained from saying that had already happened.
“That’s what
I’m here for. To help you maintain control.” The anthropologist followed the
sentinel across the room, hand waving to emphasise his words.
“Losing
control.” Jim bristled.
Blair came to
a halt, right inside of Jim’s personal space. He clenched his fists,
underlining his frustration. “I know that you hate losing control. And I know
that you want to be independent, but I can’t help you unless I’m in your face.
It’s a cosmic joke. More so when I failed you….”
There it was
again, the fact that his life was ruined. Blair sagged.
“Blair,” Jim responded
instantly to the sudden depression descending on his friend.
“We never
talk about anything, Jim. We hide behind jokes and walls of silence. We’re a
shaman and a sentinel. When we don’t talk the shit hits the fan. We have to
talk ‘cos we live in each other’s pockets. We haven’t really talked since you
read my thesis. I never meant to hurt you.” Blair looked at the floor.
A hand rested
on his shoulder.
“And I never
meant to hurt you,” Jim whispered.
“We’re both
as bad as each other,” Blair said hollowly.
“Complicated
as Hell.” Jim laughed without humour.
Blair didn’t
resist as Jim pulled him forward to lean against his broad chest. Bone tired,
Blair wrapped his arms around his sentinel’s waist. Uncertainly, probably
convinced he was going to be rebuffed, Jim circled his shoulders.
“How’s the
headache?” Blair said eventually.
“The
painkillers and the steam stopped it dead.”
“Good.”
‘We’re
talking again – this partnership might work,’ Blair thought with a moment of
hope. Regardless of the progress that they had made was he now going to throw
the cat amongst the pigeons?
“Jim?” he
began hesitantly, a timeless moment later. “I need to talk to you.”
“Yes?” Jim
responded evenly.
“I…
appreciate the… I don’t know…”
“Spit it out,
Chief?” his voice smiled.
“Do you think
that there might be a way to keep me at the precinct other than becoming a
cop?” There it was out, possibly the most circumspect way of saying it. He
leaned his forehead against Jim’s chest waiting for an explosion.
“I don’t
know, Blair. Maybe Simon would know. Possibly.”
Blair leaned
backwards and stared up at Jim. “What?”
“When you
were fired after reporting that scum for cheating and rape, Simon thought that
there might be a consultancy position available in the department.” Jim’s
expression was smooth, only concern radiating from his eyes. “You don’t want to
be a cop, do you?”
Blair shook
his head sorrowfully. “I will if we can’t figure out another way to keep me as
your partner, but I don’t think that I’ll make a good cop. I mean I’d be an
adept cop but I don’t think I’d be a happy cop. You understand?”
Jim nodded.
“I’ve been talking to my dad.” He released his grip on Blair’s shoulders and
laid a finger on his lips. “My dad is a lawyer by profession and he has plenty
of judge and lawyer golfing buddies. He thinks that you have grounds to contest
your dismissal from the University and their actions after reading your thesis
without your permission.”
“Maybe,”
Blair said around the finger on his lips.
“We could sue
them for money or get them to reinstate your position and then you submit a
thesis on a different subject. Something that would work with a consultancy
position with Cascade P.D.? How about a thesis on police subcultures or the
thin blue line?” Jim smiled. “You must have enough material? You’ve been on the
roller coaster long enough.”
“You’ve been
thinking about this, haven’t you,” Blair accused, almost happily.
“Well.” Jim
released him. “You’ve been so depressed. I didn’t know what to do. You seemed
okay about being a cop, but you were so quiet. Simon mumbled something about
suing the University, I figured he had a point – so I went and talked with my
father. He was happy to help.”
Blair smiled
through the tears welling up in his eyes.
“Aw, come on,
Chief.” Jim brushed away the tears with his fingertips. “We’re supposed to be
tough and hardy men. We’re not supposed to cry.”
“Yeah,
right.” He reached up and brushed away the sentinel’s own tears with his
thumbs. “We’re not supposed to be mushy.”
“Right,” Jim
said gruffly. “It’s time for a beer.”
“Beer.” Blair
approved wholeheartedly.
He dashed
away the last of his tears as Jim concentrated solely on hunting down beers
from the cavernous depths of the refrigerator. The detective spent an
inordinate amount of time with his head stuck in the cool box. Blair gave Jim
the time to shore up his defences. He felt wrung out but happier. Even if being
a cop was the only way forward he would make the sacrifice, but he had faith in
his sentinel that together they would find a way to allow him to continue his
academic career. His meditation had answered a lot of questions and raised many
more. Was it real or wasn’t it? That was unimportant, the lessons he had learnt
were important. The true question that had plagued him was whether or not he
should continue as Jim’s shaman guide.
Yet, wherever
he had travelled he had looked for Jim – expected him to be by his side or he
had been there.
The choices
were all in his domain; Jim could deny his sentinel senses but they would
always be within him effecting his thoughts and actions, he needed someone who
understood even if that person often stumbled around in the dark. His thoughts
turned to those lost sentinels, striving to find control without any assistance
and the misguided help of uninformed medical personnel. While he might get a Ph.D. in police
sociology he’d continue to pursue the sentinel research albeit at a slightly different
angle.
“Jim?”
“Yeah?” His
eyes became hooded. They might have made five steps forwards on the talking
issue but they had made the obligatory four steps backwards. It was something
that they would have to work on. It would come with time. They had lots of time
now.
“I had some
dreams when I was meditating. You were in some of them.”
Jim’s
knuckles were white as he gripped the necks of the bottles. “I dreamt that you
were a girl. Then I was a Pharaoh. Lord and Living God – absolute power over
life and death.” A shit eating grin crossed his face, as he reminisced.
“Cool, we did
share the dreams. I was Emily and you were Louisa. And you were also the great
King Menes.”
“You were
there?” Jim said unbelievingly.
“Yeah, I was
the cat.”
“Damn, I
should have guessed.” Jim blinked evidently surprised by his thoughts. “Why
does this happen to us, Chief?” he asked plaintively.
“Just lucky I
guess.” Blair reached for the bottle of beer.
Jim handed it
over as he shook his head, slowly from side to side. “My weirdness meter pegged
out on this one.”
“Nah,” Blair
declared. He sagged onto the couch. “Just another day in the life and times of
a modern sentinel and shaman. Other people get to go to therapy, we just
meditate and meet spirit guides – the outcome is the same.”
Jim laughed
as he joined him on the couch. Then he abruptly turned serious. “We’re not
going to let it get so far out of hand again, are we?”
“I won’t if
you won’t.”
“Deal.”
They sat
quietly, contemplating the dark television and their own thoughts.
“The dreams
were like when… you know…” Jim couldn’t finish.
“When you
brought me back from the otherside – when I drowned in the fountain.”
“We didn’t
talk about that, either,” Jim acknowledged.
Blair
shrugged, and mouthed the bottleneck contemplatively. “You brought me back – I
don’t think I ever thanked you for that.”
“You’re
welcome,” Jim said seriously. “I don’t think I ever thanked you for saving my
life.”
“When?” Blair
turned, settling against the arm of the couch crossing his legs getting
comfortable.
“Back when
this all started.” Jim waved his arm aimlessly. “I thought that I was going
insane. You saved me from myself.”
“I guess that
makes us equal.”
“Yeah,
equals.” A smile cracked Jim’s granite expression. “You having visions makes it
easier to handle.”
“In what
way?” Blair asked curiously.
“I hate the
dreams. And I hate the mystical shit,” he admitted slowly and reluctantly. “But
the fact that you’ve been there too makes it more… real and less than them
being insane dreams of my own imagining.”
“A burden
shared is a burden halved,” Blair said sagely.
“Very
profound. But it would be a hell of a lot easier if these spirit guides just
came out and told us what the hell is happening,” Jim grumped.
“Hah! I told
my Wolf exactly the same thing, and Duir said that it would mean more if I
figured it out myself.”
“Your Wolf is
called Duir?”
“No, Duir’s
my great-great-great-something Grandfather. You weren’t on that spirit walk. He
was some kind of Celtic-shaman called an ovate. Actually, I’m not too sure if
an ovate is a shaman. I’ll have to do some research.” Blair rubbed his hands
together gleefully.
“You love
this stuff, don’t you?”
Blair looked
abashed. His joie de vivre had been reawakened, once again he had lost himself
in his enthusiasm.
‘But at
the end of the day, is that a bad thing?’ he wondered. “We live in
interesting times, Jim. We’re on the roller coaster of life.”
“What if I
want to get off?”
The
anthropologist pondered over the serious question. He could think of a number
of responses and many ways to phrase his answer. “You’ve denied your senses
before and nothing good has come of it. But you don’t have to be a cop forever.
You’d make a phenomenal search and rescue paramedic. That would cut out a lot
of the stress and nastiness we face every week, and you’d still be helping
people – which is like a *major* part of what makes you the guy you are.”
His words
obviously touched a nerve. Caught half way between a self-deprecating grin at
the compliment and a frown at the though of leaving the police force, Jim
retreated back to the kitchen. He snagged another couple of beers.
“Quit the P.D.?”
Jim chewed on his bottom lip. “Not today, not tomorrow. Maybe – someday. Search
and rescue, eh? That’s a good idea.”
“To the
future.” Blair held his empty bottle high making a toast.
Theatrically,
Jim rolled his eyes heavenward, then swapped Blair’s empty bottle for a full
bottle of beer.
“To the
future,” Jim declaimed holding out his own beer.
Blair smiled
radiantly, a smile that Jim echoed. They clinked their beers together.
“To
friendship, man.”
The End